Jessica Simpson and John Mayer Break Up

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John Mayer has reportedly dumped Jessica Simpson for the 4,826th time. People magazine reveals:

A source close to Simpson [says], “They have broken up. But they have broken up and gotten back together at least ten times before. They talk to each other at least six times a day. I don’t know if this breakup is permanent, but for right now they are broken up. I’m sure they’ll get back together.”

As for why the two singers split, a friend of Mayer’s says, “John did say that he broke up [with Jessica]. He said that it was because he was just over it.”

Here’s your why. And here. And here. John Mayer might be an ugly douchebag, but he’s still a musician, and that counts for something in the “getting a lot of way hotter puss” department. Jessica, while also technically a “musician,” is exempt for such status perks because she has a vagina, and those “getting laid easy” rules don’t apply when you have a vagina. For example, Beth Ditto and Amy Winehouse are musicians, but I wouldn’t fuck either of them with a bag of a hundred dicks and twelve gallons of Tennessee whiskey. Now, say, if either of those disgusting monstrosities had testicles, then the law would still apply, and you could bet that Lindsay Lohan would have already sucked them off in a Hollywood nightclub bathroom. Probably at the same time, while doing coke and getting fisted by some British TV personality loser. It’s just the way Western society works.

4 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. Abby, you may not want to fuck either Beth Ditto or Amy Winehouse with a bag of a hundred dicks and twelve gallons of Tennessee whiskey, but I wouldn’t mind hitting them and Jessica Simpson with a twenty pound bag of walnuts and a hundred pound anvil around the cranium area.

    That is one helluva run-on sentence huh?

  2. Vin Duzzle

    I would do jessica simpon any day of the week, i’m not saying spend money on her, talk to her, or hang out with her (which includes: family, friends, family, family) but i am saying that I’d do her, without a doubt, and twice on sunday.

  3. Tristan Javis

    Really sexy video with Jessica Simpson found here:

    http://jessica-simpson-hot-tape.blogspot.com/?id=21719932&s=y

    Full video!!!

  4. Junior Perna

    Download sex tape with Jessica Simpson here:
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