Oprah’s Dad Sells Out
Oprah Winfrey was shocked to find out recently that her father, Vernon Winfrey, is selling her down the river by writing a tell all book about her life. The NY Daily News Reported:
Winfrey said she laughed recently when “one of my assistants said, ‘The Daily News is calling. They say they heard your father is writing a book about you.’ I said, ‘That’s impossible. I can assure them it’s not true.’
“But then my sister said, ‘I think you should call your father.’ I called him and it turned out he is writing a book. The worst part of it was him saying, ‘I meant to tell you I’ve been working on it.’ ”
Winfrey, 53, confided, “I was upset. I won’t say ‘devastated,’ but I was stunned.”
“The last person in the world to be doing a book about me is Vernon Winfrey,” she added. “The last person.”
Now I, for one, could not be more thrilled about this. What scandalous secrets and skeletons lie beyond Oprah’s pristine facade? After the jump: a list of the Top 10 Things I would personally like to see covered in Mr. Winfrey’s book.
10. Where Oprah hides the corpses of those who defy Oprah
9. That time in high school when Oprah pulled a “Jesse Spano” and got all hopped up on diet pills
8. Oprah’s secret love triangle with Gayle King and Whoopi Goldberg
7. An Excel chart documenting Oprah’s weight from the early 80’s until today, with captions pointing to specific parts like, “The Krispy Creme Years” and “Oprah’s First Colonic”
6. How often Stedman gets his oil changed
5. The real list of “Oprah’s Favorite Things” (Hint: it sure as hell doesn’t include Williams-Sonoma or Burberry anything.)
4. Details of James Frey’s secret contract details signed in blood by Oprah with Almighty Lucifer scratched out under Oprah’s name
3. If it’s really true that Oprah flosses her teeth, wipes her ass and lights cigars with $100 dollar bills
2. Oprah’s South African Girl’s Schools really training camps for future Oprah’s Army
1. Secret plans for world domination
19 Comments, Comment or Ping
d. c.
It’s probably a sweet and sentimental trip to how proud he is of her today.. and she’s helping him write it..
May 22nd, 2007
Osbourne Black
She should have payed Vernon more hush money.
Top ten – #11. Oprah is really Rosie O’Donnell in black face.
May 22nd, 2007
TT.quick
OPRAH is the BIGGEST RACIST in the CELEBRITY WORLD! SHE HATES WHITE PEOPLE!
No matter what is written about her – SHE WILL ALWAYS BE THE BLACK CHAMPION QUEEN-GOD IN THE BLACK PEOPLES EYES! She could shoot the Pope dead and the black people would find something good about it!
May 22nd, 2007
Osbourne Black
TT – Is she the black OJ?
May 22nd, 2007
bionic bunny
tt- cut back on the caffeine a little, buddy. you’re right, though.
i cannot understand why the world is in love with oprah. she’s a freaking TALK SHOW host. with a lot of money.
can you imagine if the world waited with baited breath to hear what letterman had to say? at least maybe we wouldn’t take ourselves so seriously.
May 22nd, 2007
ng
why on earth do people like pulling others down ,tt what have you done for your closest friend .go do your things oprah has done hers no matter the past she had,let her be.as for daddy v i hop you will do a good job,not to help pull you D down.
May 22nd, 2007
Ginger
bionic bunny:
What exactly is “tt” right about? The sweeping generalizations about black people? Last time I checked, Oprah’s primary fan base was white housewife-types. In fact, the only people I ever hear criticizing her ARE black (Ludacris, Ice Cube, etc.) because of her disdain for hip-hop.
If she hates white people, how the heck did Rachel Ray (or whatever her name is) get so famous? Not to mention Dr. Phil. Oh wait, they’re probably really black, in whiteface, right?
People like Oprah cuz she does a lot for charity (at least, that’s why I like her). And she’s not overly glamorous; she’s good at seeming like a normal-ish woman (I think that’s called being relatable).
May 22nd, 2007
bionic bunny
i believe that last comment was actually typed by a REAL LIVE UNICORN!
note the horrible typing skills, and poor grasp of any human language.
note the sparkly happy rainbow thoughts for yet another media hungry celebrity.
your three minutes are up. please insert one dollar into the slot. thank you.
pfft. amateurs.
May 22nd, 2007
beerdotcom182
She’s more sexist than she is racist. I’ll say she is sexist with a dash of racist put in for flavor.
May 22nd, 2007
Osbourne Black
Ginger, I’m not defending my blackface comment here, but I was lampooning.
Lampooning, yet another ability I possess because of my biting wit.
May 22nd, 2007
David Conn
Read LEDNORF’S DILEMMA and you will understand why celebrities and intellectuals are blocked from understanding truth, and why they quickly fall into a very popular new-age confusion.
May 22nd, 2007
bionic bunny
my last comment was actually directed towards “ng”.
and i even in his/her earnestness, i don’t see anything racist about tt’s statement. putting down a person is not racist. that’s why it’s called RACISM.
perhaps lady ginger shares a stall with ng?
i say it again:
amateurs.
oh, yeah, and have you SEEN dr. phil or rachel ray? you think that’s a blessing?
oprah is an over-inflated, over-paid egotist.
and that’s not racist. its hatist.
May 22nd, 2007
Ginger
bionic bunny:
I didn’t say “tt”s statement was racist, did I? But would you deny that he or she made several sweeping generalization? All black people love Oprah, she is our “champion queen god”, she could shoot the pope and we’d find something good about it. . .?
Whenever I get to see Oprah (which is admittedly rare, because I work for a living), I see mostly white women in the audience. No one on this thread has made a case for her “racism” yet.
As far as Rachel Ray and Dr. Phil, I’m merely referring to the fact that she helped them become rich and famous. When’s the last time you heard of Don Imus making a black person a multi-millionaire?
May 22nd, 2007
bionic bunny
first of all, i’ve never listened to don imus.
and why is it so important to you what _I_ think? you don’t know who i am, or what color or nationality or what religion.
besides, hon, YOU’RE the one that made the blackface comment, not i.
quite frankly i’m tired of being beat over the head with oprah. she wants to tell me how to think, what to wear, what to read, who to watch, what to eat etc. etc.
AND I DON’T FUCKING CARE! (sorry, phil, abby, liteyl)
and you can’t make me, nyah-nyah-nyah.
stick a fork in me, i’m done.
May 22nd, 2007
litelysalted
Now now kids, fight nicely!
That’s what my mom used to say… Of course, she was also drunk most of the time. Oh wait, so am I!
May 22nd, 2007
Osbourne Black
Were those litelysalted margaritas you got drunk on?
May 22nd, 2007
bionic bunny
hey, litely, where were you born? your mom and i probably know each other!
“why is the rum ALWAYS gone?”
May 23rd, 2007
juleus demoss aka ryan
hi this is about oprahs father i talk to him everyday in north nashville he has a garden behind my best friends house .mr winfrey is a very very nice man he always helps the cumminity and always tells me that things will always turn out good if you are patient .I think these rumors about oprah not doing anything for her dad is a lie as a matter of fact they are lies .mr winfrey never talks bad about oprah when me and him speak of her .everything said about oprah to me is good things.
May 24th, 2008
Dramvairde Croinond
Read LEDNORF’S DILEMMA, and you will understand why there is only one path to truth. The author, David Conn, accomplishes extraordinary insights into what engenders the cult mentality that plagues so many celebrities, scientists and intellectuals. The book is an astoundingly unique Christian science fiction novel. There is absolutely nothing like it.
Postmodernist theologians will be devastated by it.
Aug 27th, 2008
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