Lindsay Lohan Arrested for DUI, Cocaine
After coking it up and pile driving a roadside shrubbery with her car Saturday night, Lindsay “Nose Candy” Lohan was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence and leaving the scene of an accident. According to Fox News:
Lohan, 20, and two other people were in her 2005 Mercedes SL-65 when it crashed on Sunset Boulevard around 5:30 a.m. It appeared Lohan was speeding… [and] officers at the scene found a “usable amount” of a drug tentatively identified as cocaine. Lohan was driven in another car to a hospital for treatment of minor injuries. The two other people in her car were not hurt. Officers arrested Lohan at the hospital for investigation of misdemeanor driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Lohan will have to appear in court to answer the citation.
Usually I’d have no problem coming up with something snarky to say about “Lindsay Lohan” and “cocaine” and “DUI arrest.” It’s shooting-babies-in-a-barrel kind of easy. Unfortunately, this morning I woke up with rug burn on my face and a raging urinary tract infection, so I’m going to spend the next thirty minutes sitting on the toilet with a tub of Vaseline instead. Consider it my metaphorical burn/living testament to Lindsay Lohan. It’s what we in the business like to call “interpretive satire.” You hear that, New Yorker? “Interpretive satire?” That little bit of highbrow could have been all yours six months ago! Before all the restraining orders and trespassing arrests, that is. Assholes.
10 Comments, Comment or Ping
Osbourne Black
At least somebody has no moral scruples and isn’t dead set against working on memorial day. Kudos to you me dear Abby.
Lohan will take a pee, cop a plea, and she’ll go free.
May 28th, 2007
bionic bunny
hey, ob, how’d your flag flying go this morning?
hi abby, how’s tricks?
May 28th, 2007
Osbourne Black
Miss Bunny, I was out in my front yard at 12 o’clock noon raising my American flag to full mast.
Congrats on your spotlight.
May 28th, 2007
bionic bunny
thank you, sir.
May 28th, 2007
beerdotcom182
This story makes me happy. Not as happy as I’d be if she’d hit a tree, flew throught the windshield, and landed headfirst on a wrought iron fence…but still….happy.
May 28th, 2007
beerdotcom182
I was going to say crotch first, but this is Hohan, she’d probably just start bouncing up and down on it.
May 28th, 2007
BarbadoSlim
Pffffffftt, Well it depends on what they mean by “usable amount” , I mean, anything less than half a kilo just sticks to the bag…
depends on who you rolling with I guess.
May 28th, 2007
bionic bunny
HAH! @ barbado!
May 28th, 2007
Samuella
Maybe her and Paris Hilton can film “A night in Paris: THE SEQUEL!” while in jail together.
Jun 3rd, 2007
BOPROP
LINDSEY U R A CRAZY BITCH I USED TO LIKE U BUT NOW FUCK OFF ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!U INSPIRED ME BUT U PROBABLY DON’T CARE U CRACK HEAD LOOKING DRUNK WANNABE.
Oct 9th, 2007
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