The notorious “Butterscotch Stallion” made his way to a popular New York strip club on a ten-speed Huffy yesterday. According to Page Six:

Owen Wilson might be the first-ever customer who pedaled up to Scores West Side on a mountain bike. Wilson parked his two-wheeler at the mammary mecca’s check room and then sat down to enjoy the topless talent. “After a few hours, he said he was meeting friends at another club to bring back to Scores and could he leave the bike. They said, ‘No problem.’”

Try cruising up to a titty bar on a bicycle when you’re not famous and see just how far you get. Even if the bouncers assume you’re just a drunken hobo on an aluminum can-collecting crusade instead of the jerk-off loser without a car living with your mom that you are, they’ll still very graciously grab you by the collar and “escort” you outside. I get so damn sick of explaining to those morons that nickels and dimes are still legal fucking tender. And that glass bottles are worth ten cents a pop in Maine. Ten cents! And that those I.O.U.’s are as good as gold because I’m a woman of my word and my brother was an Eagle Scout. Doesn’t matter, though. Nobody takes you seriously when you pedal up on a three speed with a rusted baby seat on the back. Unless you’re Owen freakin’ Wilson, that is. Commies!

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