Comedianne Kathy Griffin narrowly escaped being mowed down outside a popular L.A. nightclub in a drive-by shooting. TMZ reports

After our cameras caught Kathy Griffin walking out of Teddys at the Roosevelt Hotel on Hollywood Boulevard, someone inside a passing vehicle opened fire. As the panicked crowd ducked for cover, the lead continued to fly. At least one person was injured. Other bullets connected with the front entrance, where several chunks of concrete were blasted out of the walls. The LAPD is currently investigating the incident. So far, no arrests have been made.

I don’t know if there’s a whole “East Side/West Side” thing that goes on between shitty d-list stand-up comics, so this could be some kind of comedian-gang-related incident with which I’m not familiar. But my gut leads me in another direction. That this was an assassination attempt. I mean, who doesn’t want Kathy Griffin dead? Or paralyzed? Or chopped into tiny bits and sprinkled into a vat of acid? Or hosed down with kerosene and lit on fire? I know I think about it all the time. Just you wait ’till I finally get cancer, guys. I’m up to three packs a day. Then that “Make a Wish Foundation” is going to have to make all my homicidal pyromanical dreams come true. Sure, the chemo might suck, but between Kathy’s crispy corpse and all the OxyContin Medicare can buy it’s going to be fuckin’ awesome.

More of Mischa Barton in the bikini after the jump, because even fully-clothed Kathy Griffin is fucking disgusting

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