Kristy Swanson was arrested on Saturday night for allegedly assaulting the ex-wife of her boyfriend, former “Skating with Celebrities” partner Lloyd Eisler. Swanson spoke to People about the incident:

“I had to go the police station where I had an appointment at 9 p.m. to begin the process of being arrested,” she confirms. Swanson was released on $500 (Canadian) bail. Officers escorted her into the police station in Kingston, Ontario, after Eisler’s ex, Marcia O’Brien, filed a complaint against Swanson.

And with that, I present to you — Kristy Swanson’s Guide To Career Death

Step 1: Star in a string of commercially successful movies in the 1990’s.
Step 2: Subsequently, fall off the face of the earth for the next decade, presence known only to regular “Lifetime” viewers.
Step 3: Stage your triumphant TV comeback co-starring on Dancing with the Stars Celebrity Fit Club “Skating with Celebrities.”
Step 4: Begin a scandalous affair with married skating partner — who is actually a professional ice skater — and whose wife also happens to be pregnant, earning yourself simultaneous prestige as a homewrecker AND a beard.
Step 5: Give that BabyMomma the beatdown she truly deserves.
Step 6: Smell that? That’s the pungent tartness of the smoldering remains of your career, which you have effectively just pissed out. Congratulations!

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