Paris Will Fuck Damn Near Anything
Sorry to do this to you guys, but I have some decidedly unpleasant news to bring forth today. It’s times like these that make being a gossip blogger the most difficult job in the world. But here goes — Paris Hilton used to fuck Jack Osbourne. There, I said it. The Sun elaborates, in a recorded interview with Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne:
Ozzy said: “Paris was always hanging around our house. I’m not sure if she was a friend of KELLY or AMY — which one was it, Sharon?”
Sharon looked a bit sheepish and stumbled over her words as she replied: “She was Jack’s, erm, friend.” Ozzy’s jaw dropped and he exclaimed: “He didn’t shag her, did he? Well done, my son!”
I’ve already thrown up in my mouth four times in the process of composing this entry — which I assure you has nothing to do with the smell of my Lean Cuisine stuffed cabbages wafting from the direction of the microwave. I don’t know what else to say about this, except thank the holy God in heaven these two didn’t breed. I imagine the outcome would have probably been the fat, somewhat retarded wonky-eyed spawn of Satan himself.
11 Comments, Comment or Ping
bionic bunny
i know what you mean, litely.
poor jack.
is anyone else annoyed by the “great heart” (or whatever) movie plug on the scott baio thread?
Jun 20th, 2007
litelysalted
YES, I am annoyed! Go hawk your crappy movie, elsewhere, Ass-gelina.
Jun 20th, 2007
Dragulf
At least the boy finally got laid…
Jun 20th, 2007
litelysalted
Btw guys, I was able to find a more recent photo of Paris and Jack, but I liked this one because it makes Jack look like “It’s Pat!” from SNL. Awesome.
Jun 20th, 2007
Candice
At least, then, she wasn’t being a hypocrite when she said “It doesn’t matter what size you are, what color, whatever, what color hair you have, eyes, like if you have confidence, and you’re a nice person and sweet, and you’re funny, I think that’s sexy.” For once.
Jun 20th, 2007
beerdotcom182
He’s too good for her.
Jun 20th, 2007
bionic bunny
sorry. “mighty”. “GREAT heart” is a jimmy buffett song. a pretty good one, too.
Jun 20th, 2007
RichPort
The sad thing is, he had more ass than a donkey breeder by the time he was 16, with his sloppy curl headed ass.
Jun 20th, 2007
JohnL
He should’ve fucked his sister. That would’ve been less creepy.
Jun 20th, 2007
anne
I can’t believe it,
congratulation to Jack but…
Paris in what were you thinking?
oh! I imagine taht some plans your have in mind, well lest see ahst che does next!
Jun 20th, 2007
venus
so his dad is saying well done on picking up herpes ??
Jun 21st, 2007
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