Free at Last
Paris Hilton was released from jail early this morning. TMZ reports
After 23 days in jail, Paris Hilton is finally a free woman. The heiress was released from prison shortly after midnight on Tuesday. Law enforcement sources [say] that Paris lost nearly 10 pounds during her stay, and that on her way out of jail, she stopped to change clothes in a public restroom that “smells rancid.” Lynwood jail is happy to see Paris go, and they hope that things can now get back to normal.
In similar news, I had a “hanger-on” this morning that just wouldn’t break free. I strained and strained and gave my bottom a good side-to-side wiggle, but still, nothing happened. I finally enlisted the help of a handful of Cottonelle and the turd was begrudgingly liberated from its fleshly prison. Coincidence? Probably. I just couldn’t resist a good stubborn shit/Paris Hilton metaphor. Sometimes these things just write themselves!
More of the turd’s exodous from jail after the jump
8 Comments, Comment or Ping
BarbadoSlim
My god, sooooo exposed, well lighted surroundings, raised head, snipers would call that………. a sure kill.
Jun 26th, 2007
abby
I like the prayer hands she’s working there. Or maybe that’s the “double-fisted jerk off grip,” and she’s just getting ready for her first freedom penis.
Jun 26th, 2007
RichPort
Anyone who waited for her to come out without the intention of selling the pictures to some rag should be lined up and uzi’d. That’s right, I just made that word up. They should ALL be uzi’d!!!
Jun 26th, 2007
BarbadoSlim
Uzi’d hehehehehe
yeeah
*high five*
Jun 26th, 2007
RichPort
When they declared on Larry King Live yesterday that getting the first Paris interview, for a whole fucking hour, was HUGE news, I knew right then and there that the entire entertainment industry as one cesspool laden whole has officially jumped the fucking shark. They showered her with adoration like a fucking freed hostage. Amazing. At least the Saudis would have beheaded her. And they would have never let her drive… she’d probably masturbate in Mecca.
Inappropriate? Fuck it…
Jun 26th, 2007
Sorceressss
Those three weeks of no Paris news went by WAY WAY WAY too fast…. Shit, now we’ll be seeing her skank ass, wonk eye everywhere again. Where’s my vodka?
Jun 26th, 2007
Dat_DoOd
This is absolutely fucking ridiculous. They are actin like dis bitch just served 23 YEARS in jail for a murder she didn’t commit. THis world is a fucking sad sad place. I’m takin my kids and moving up in the fucking mountains somewhere.
Jun 26th, 2007
bionic bunny
i’ve been to the “fucking mountains”.
its no place for a child.
yeah, lame.
Jun 26th, 2007
Reply to “Free at Last”