Lindsay Lohan apparently found sobriety and 16th-century political philosopher Machiavelli during her rehab stint at Promises. According to London’s The Sun

The 21-year-old claims she has turned instead to meditation, spiritual prayers and political philosopher Machiavelli. She [said], “[Rehab] changed my life. I didn’t have a good grip on it and I needed to get my [shit] together. I was going out too much and I had too much pressure on my shoulders. If I get stressed out now I say a serenity prayer. I meditate too.”

New and improved Lindsay even uses Machiavelli’s book The Prince, written in 1513, as a self-help guide which she carries everywhere. She said: “I was going out with someone and they said I should read Machiavelli and I was like, ‘nah’, and then I was, ‘OK, I’ll read it’ and now it is always with me.

Machiavelli isn’t exactly Dr. Phil, and “The Prince” isn’t even a self-help book. It’s an “ends justifies the means” story that emphasizes brute force as a way of maintaining political power. So you can clearly see how this pertains to a dumbass celebrity with self-esteem issues. God, I hate this stupid bitch. I guess lugging around the A-F section of the Encyclopedia Brittanica or Tolstoy’s “War and Peace” made for some awkward dancing down at Teddy’s. It’s hard to look sexy cradling an eight-pound book on the dance floor. Not that it can be done — she just doesn’t know how to do it right. You have to sneak matches out of your parents room and light a few candles, put on your best training bra and “Careless Whisper” by Wham! — then can you open up your “Tiger Beat” and lay a few wet ones on Corey Haim and slow dance the night away with his picture. I pretty much mastered it in the third grade.

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