Jessica Simpson Wants a Facial
There is only one picture in a series of seven from Miami Fashion Week in which Jessica Simpson has her big stupid mouth closed. She was there debuting her crappy swimsuit line, which apparently moved her to such ecstatic heights as to anticipate big ribbons of semen hitting her square in the kisser. Something about lycra blends just makes a girl want to take it in the face, I guess. That’s probably why pool boys are always getting laid. So contends a stirring documentary chronicling the fates of three slutty sorority sisters I watched last night, if any of you feel like arguing with me. And while we’re on it, what of the correlation vs causation debate regarding the ratio of pubic hair on a porn star and her willingness to participate in a little back door action? Don’t even get me started on that! You could argue that one for hours. Believe me, I have. And what about the ongoing conflict in the Balkans having more to do with post World War II nationalism than centuries of ancient ethnic hatred? What role does pubic hair play in this divide? Where were the all the pool boys? Discuss.
More facial-expectant Jess after the jump
11 Comments, Comment or Ping
margaretta
OMG could she BE anymore annoying
Pool boy in the hot tub with mealmouthy Minnello
Jul 16th, 2007
bionic bunny
definitely got that “blow-up doll” look down pat.
she’d be fine if someone would just wire her mouth shut.
balkans/pubic hair/pool boys.
i really love you, abby!!!!
Jul 16th, 2007
Vermillion
Well, if she really wants it, I don’t see why I should deny her…
What?
Jul 16th, 2007
abby
Thanks, Bunny! I’m sure it made for riveting ’round the dinner table discussion at your house. I find it impossible to bring up the Albainians-Serbians conflict without mentioning pubic hair. Plus, I was on the debate team in high school.
Jul 16th, 2007
kathie!
Is that Britney’s mom next to her? she sure moves on fast.
Jul 16th, 2007
bowman20
“ongoing conflict in the Balkans” !?!?!??!?
Do you know something the rest of the world doesn’t?
Jul 17th, 2007
abby
Um, a “conflict in the Balkans” is analogous to “a conflict in the Middle East.” There’s ALWAYS unrest there. Most of the world knows that. The part of the world who graduated from high school and reads something other than “Juggs” on a daily basis, anyway.
Jul 17th, 2007
open mouth jones
God, when will she change her name to Gaping Maw Simpson and just get it over with?
Jul 17th, 2007
carla
why can’t she close her mouth!!! LOL!!!! was her jaws lOcked!? Lol!!!!!
Jul 18th, 2007
nj
je piace piallo in bocca
Jul 23rd, 2007
Keeleyfan
In Jessica we trust! OMG shes a hottie! That cleavage is just awesome
Jul 28th, 2007
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