More Details in the Benoit Murders
In what will come as a surprise to nobody, toxicology reports released yesterday indicate that WWE star Chris Benoit was pumped full of steroids when he murdered his family last month. People magazine reports
Chris Benoit injected himself with testosterone before killing his wife and son and then committing suicide last month, officials said Tuesday. Daniel Benoit, 7, was sedated with Xanax, a drug used to treat anxiety disorders and panic disorders, when the World Wrestling Entertainment star strangled his child. Xanax was also found in the body of Benoit’s wife, Nancy.
To give you an idea of just how ‘roided up Benoit actually was, the Atlanta Constitution-Journal notes
GBI investigators found that Benoit had a 59:1 ratio when comparing two forms of the hormone [testosterone]. Most people have a 1:1 ratio and a 4:1 ratio is considered the allowable threshold in most sports.
After these damning results were made public, the WWE released the following statement:
“On Mr. Benoit’s last drug test in April 2007 administered by Aegis Labs, he tested negative for anabolic steroids and for testosterone. Given the toxicology report of GBI released today, it would appear that Mr. Benoit took testosterone sometime after his April 2007 test. For over 20 years, the WWE has been demonstrating our concern for the well being of our contracted athletes, instituting drug testing in 1987 leading up to our current Wellness Program which began on February 27, 2006.”
So, obviously, men with triple the muscle mass of a normal male — who make a living out of spittle-flecked screaming and folding chairs and Canadian crossfaces — never see the business end of a syringe while employed by the WWE. Never! They probably spend their days off at the quilting club, drinking chamomile tea and reading Emily Dickens aloud on a cashmere throw beneath lakeside weeping willows. Sure beats stuffing your wife and child full of sedatives and choking them to death before offing yourself. That’s just not the Gandhi the WWE way!
4 Comments, Comment or Ping
robert frost
Emily Dickens? Hmmm. Perhaps leave the literary allusions to the lit bloggers. But I like it. Emily Dickens. Creative.
Jul 18th, 2007
abby
It was supposed to read like that, Rob. They’re WWE wrestlers. Of course they’d get the name wrong. Much like “rapist’s wit” from yesterday. Intentional. Tongue in cheek. Satirical.
Perhaps leave the sarcasm to the gossip bloggers. But I like it. Condescending AND thick-headed, all at once. Touche.
Jul 18th, 2007
Dane Cook Sucks and you know it
Rapper’s Wit.
Jul 19th, 2007
margaretta
In fact I can see Emily in a golden groin speedo
Jul 19th, 2007
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