Britney Spears’ cousin and former best friend is conspiring with Kevin Federline for the sake of their children. According The National Ledger

After Alli stopped working for Britney, she and [Britney's mother] Lynne reached out to Kevin [Federline] and gave detailed information about her ongoing erratic behavior. A longtime Britney pal says, “Alli gave specific instances where Brit couldn’t handle having the kids. Kevin was angry at Britney for putting his kids in jeopardy and immediately phoned his lawyer to investigate the claims further.” Brit’s cousin is planning on providing specific instances to help give full-time custody to Kevin and finalize the divorce from Britney. [sic] Kevin spent three hours on Monday with his lawyer discussing the options to finally get the kids out of Brit’s care.

You know what else might have tipped them off? Jayden James’ first words being “fuckin’” and “peanut butter pie.” Sean Preston constantly swatting at his genitals and lisping, “Oh, yeah… I’m sexy… uhhhhn… Hey! Where’s my fuckin’ peanut butter pie?” Pictures of the terrified kids screaming and pounding on the car windows while Britney makes sweet love to a stack of half-eaten peanut butter pies. And by “make sweet love” I mean “pass out face first after throwing up with enough force to spray chunks of pie out of her nostrils.” Yep, I’d say it’s pretty much an open-and-shut case for K-Fed.

More of the dumpling wandering around Hollywood after the jump