Jul 25, 2007

Jessica Alba Dumps Cash Warren

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Good news, boys — Jessica Alba is single again! According to Us Weekly

After two-and-a-half years together, Jessica Alba and Cash Warren have split. The 26-year-old actress broke up with Warren, a 28-year-old producer, last week over the phone. Sources [say] that Alba, who was abroad over the weekend promoting Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, called Warren on July 22 and told him, “I’m not in love with you anymore.” Within hours, Alba had dispatched an assistant to the L.A. home they shared to pack up Warren’s belongings and move him out.

Coming home to all of his shit packed up is a pretty good way to make it clear your relationship is really over. So is sending him a picture of your smiling face hovering two inches over someone’s penis. Especially if you’re giving the “two thumbs up” sign on either side of your face. There’s just no arguing with that kind of enthusiasm. That’s how they rate movies, you know.

More of Jessica in next month’s issue of British GQ after the jump

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9 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. Meg

    That’s pretty harsh.

    Jul 25th, 2007

  2. JohnL

    She perspires too much. That’s why I dumped her. Megan Fox has the same problem. Did you see her in “Transformers”? Nothing but tits, sweat, and thumbs.

    Jul 25th, 2007

  3. torkue

    Yeah, but you can’t see Megan’s thumbs when she sticks them up my ass. And all that sweat on Jessica isn’t hers–it’s mine.

    Jul 25th, 2007

  4. abby

    I’m pretty sure there’s a law that states that you have to first be oiled up in order to pose provocatively in a men’s magazine. I think because all that slippery greasiness reminds guys of vaginas, which reminds them of lube, which reminds them of jerking off, which reminds them of their mother’s crying as they cower under the bed with only a magazine to cover their naughty bits. It’s a vicious cycle, really.

    Jul 25th, 2007

  5. Dragulf

    Damn childhood and damn you Abby for making me remember that shit!

    Jul 26th, 2007

  6. RichPort

    I hope she gets attacked by a pack of carnivorous sandwiches.

    Jul 26th, 2007

  7. Fillip

    so… which one of us is going to rodger her first?

    Jul 28th, 2007

  8. natascha

    whahahaha abby that was funny

    Jul 29th, 2007

  9. Anonymous

    Alba and Cash are sitting together at tonight’s Warriors - Lakers game. Hmmm…

    Dec 9th, 2007

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