The trailer for the highly anticipated Robert Zemeckis CGI movie “Beowulf” hit the internet today, and boy does Angelina Jolie make a hot freakin’ queen of darkness. The trailer release follows last night’s 3-D debut at Comic Con in San Diego. The Los Angeles Times said:

‘Angelina Jolie’s lips look even fuller than usual. “Giiiif meee sonnnn,” she coos, in an Old English accent. Her flaxen hair is braided down her back in a long tail that slowly undulates and slaps the dark pool around her. She continues to purr enticements about making babies as a virtual camera circles 360 degrees panning around her long limbs and waist. Gold dribbles down her inner thighs past her feet, revealing sharp stilettos merged with bestial hooves.’

If you needed any more proof that Angelina is the hottest thing on the planet, well, gold drips out of her vagina. There. I don’t know about you, but there aren’t any precious metals oozing out of my hoo-ha. There’s some ooze, sure, but I’d say it’s more of the yeasty variety. So I could maybe bake a loaf of bread or brew a pilsner, but I won’t be fashioning a crown and scepter out of any of my genital secretions. That’s why I just stick with a sash and a paper tiara and my t-shirt that says “Hot Stuff.” It still gets the point across.

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