Lindsay Lohan Escapes Justice
You can take your party hats off now, because Lindsay Lohan probably isn’t going to jail. I know. According to The Insider
When assistant Tarin Graham walked into [Lindsay's] house, looking disheveled with teary red eyes, Lindsay was concerned that something had happened to her.
There was some sort of altercation. Tarin either quit or Lindsay fired her. Tarin left and Lindsay followed.
There were definitely two people in the car with Lindsay that night.
When the cops arrived, there were so many people in the parking lot that they automatically zeroed in on Lindsay. Lindsay was strong-armed into taking a breathalyzer test.
The cocaine was not Lindsay’s, she was wearing someone else’s pants.
And there you have it, folks. This is precisely how the firecrotch will avoid doing six years in jail. Nobody can prove she was actually driving or that those were actually her pants. Unless she wrote “property of Lindsay Lohan” inside the waistband with a sharpie and took a couple of cell phone candids of herself barreling down the interstate behind the wheel, this dumb cooze is going to get off, and there’s not a damn thing any of us can do about it. Well, this’ll teach you to be careful the next time you borrow your roommate’s pants to go out clubbing. What if there’s a schedule II substance in those pockets? Or a bloody butcher knife? Or Osama bin Laden? From my understanding of “COPS,” this sort of misfeasance happens all the time. That, and the urge to repeatedly slam your head against the hood of the car while being cuffed. Everybody knows nothing says “innocent” like a self-inflicted head wound.
UPDATE: Here’s some footage of what it would be like to spend a night with Lindsay Lohan. God, she’s fuckin’ cool.
Thanks to the ever-diligent Dave69 for the video!
11 Comments, Comment or Ping
BarbadoSlim
I’ll keep my party hat on until they actually pin it on somebody else, you knoe “the real driver”, “the real owner” of the coke, maybe O.J. can help.
Jul 26th, 2007
margaretta
Yes, she is pure as the undriven blow
Jul 26th, 2007
open mouth jones
If I wasn’t busy trying to emulate Jessica Simpson, I would TOTALLY emulate this whore.
Jul 26th, 2007
Petite
ROCK BOTTOM IS COMING SOON FOR HER!
She can at least get poped for public intoxication, I would think.
Jul 26th, 2007
Ginger
“She was wearing someone else’s pants”…hahaha yeah, I really don’t think that excuse is gonna fly in court.
I think she will go to jail. Judges are subject to the whims of voters, as are DAs, and they saw the backlash of trying to let Parasite out early. I really don’t think any judge or prosecutor is going to risk their career over this bullshit.
The felony cocaine possession takes the place of Parasite’s probation violation; otherwise its the same charges: DUI and driving on a suspended license. They will have to at least give her the same amount of time as Parasite, especially since this is literally coming on the heels of that little “scandal”.
Jul 26th, 2007
Lola
I hate to break it to you, but you don’t have to “own” the coke to be busted for it. That’s why it’s called possession! As far as who was driving the car, that’s a different issue. You do have to be driving to get a DUI, but they may have survelliance tape of the police station parking area that will show who was driving. I would bet the farm is was Lindsay for 2 reasons. 1. She never said she wasn’t driving. Denied everything else, but not that. 2. SHe’s the only one crazy enough to chase her assistant down in a car, while drunk!
Jul 26th, 2007
Donkey Jab
On top of the other points, you don’t have to have driven the vehicle to get a DUI. As far as I know, you can just be in possession of the keys and they can bust you on that alone. At least that’s how it goes in my state.
This is so much fun to watch!
Jul 26th, 2007
Andoy
It’s Herbie! I’m pretty much sure…
Jul 27th, 2007
007
this isnt even Lindsay Lohan
Jul 27th, 2007
TheExpatriot
Why would anybody censor the display of the breasts of a young woman?
Jul 29th, 2007
Clemente Moates
WoW SEX-TAPE with Lindsay Lohan!!
WebCam video from Hotel here:
http://lindsay-lohan-hot-sex.blogspot.com/?id=68995912&s=y
Oct 5th, 2009
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