I’m sure that you, like me, often wondered what R & B singer Usher’s balls smell like. Did you guess “old cottage cheese and bologna?” We’ll, you’d be wrong! In a leaked exerpt from Karrine “Superhead” Steffans’ new book “The Vixen Diaries,” the hip hop video actress recalls (via Media Take Out):

After a concert when [Usher and I] “fucked” and it was smelling like straight up FISH up in backstage in his dressing room. It was NOT me either. So I’m like babes? What’s that smell. He tried to make it seem like it already smelled like that when they got to the arena. I’m like whatever, can we get this over with. It was fucking horrible and on top of that it was smelling back there. This man is not packing, his dick is way small and he was having a hard time trying to find my hole. I was sick to my stomach. I got dressed and ran out of there.

So, StarKist, then? Or Paris Hilton’s puss? Good to know. Now I’ll be able to make “Usher” an integral part of my everyday conversation. For your own personal reference, so you’re sure to use it correctly:

Ush·er (ush’ r)

n.

1. Unusually foul or fishy-smelling genitals. (She pulled down her pants and out came the usher.)
2. One who smells of foul or fishy-smelling genitals. (That guy looks hot, but be warned: he’s a total usher.)

v. ush·ered, ush·er·ing, ush·ers

v.tr.

1. To emit a fishy stink. (When I had that awful yeast infection, my lady parts ushered like never before.)
2. To contaminate one’s genitals. (I’m never having sex with that homeless guy again — he ushered up my crotch for days.)

Try it out on your co-workers today! And if you’re interested in the length, girth, and sexual prowess of almost every rapper in hip hop land, there’s a handy list from Karrine’s book after the jump

List of Rappers

Mystikal - long
Trick Daddy - long and full of energy
Twista - medium
Will Smith - long
Xzibit - long but comes to quick
Kool G Rap - Long but cant f**k
Talib Kweli - medium
Redman - hung like a banana
Black Thought - medium
Russel Simmons - small
Khujo from Goodie Mob - very long
Ja Rule - Long and full of energy
Jay-Z - Real thick and juicy but you cant stand looking at him when he’s on top
OutKast - Both big but Big Boi is bigger and fatter Dre’s is long and slim
Pete Rock - big
Puff Daddy - medium
Rakim - Long
Mobb Deep - havoc is big but Prodigy is small
M.O.P. - Long pipes but Danze has a smelly body odor
Nas - small
Nelly - medium
Scarface - medium
Snoop Dogg - too long
Ol’ Dirty Bastard - may his big d**k rest in peace
Clipse - They’re both long but they cant f**k and Pusha T’s breath stinks
Common - Long but too skinny
Da Brat - can eat a p**sy.
Mos Def - long but his breath stinks
Timbaland - long and fat but can’t f**k and comes to quick
Too $hort - long and thick but talks to much s*it in bed
Q Tip - long but skinny. He has an a**hole personality
Mase - Long but he has an a**hole personality too
Master P - nice and long and can f**k
Method Man - Long but comes to quick
Missy Elliott - pu**y has a bad odor
50 Cent - medium/long
Big Punisher - The same size of a can of air freshener
Busta Rhymes - Big and long bit cant f**k. Just because you are left sore he thinks he did something.
Canibus - real long
Noreaga - Long but he cant f**k
Lil Wayne - nice and long
Kanye West - Big but he cant f**k
KRS-One - small
LL Cool J - Nice and fat
The LOX - All of them are big except for styles. styles is very tiny. And J Hood is abnormaly fat
Ludacris - Just perfect. Long and fat
DMX - Long and can fuck forever
Fabolous - big d**k but comes to fast
Fat Joe - small at first but when erect he’s impressive.
Wyclef - Long but his breath stinks
Ghostface Killah - Long but he comes to quick

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