Sarah Jessica Parker Scares the Living Shit Out of Me
Sarah Jessica Parker unveiled her new fragrance “Covet” in NYC yesterday, and sweet Jumping Jehosaphat is this woman ever terrifying! Forget that stank perfume she’s schilling — the woman looks like she could crush my skull by flexing her bicep around my head!
Although this does kind of make sense, since I hear the plot of the new “Sex in the City” movie, Sex in the City: First Blood, picks up with Carrie Bradshaw years later, after returning from a stint in the Green Beret — wandering around New York desolate and disoriented after finding out she’s the last surviving member of her unit. After a scuffle with a local sheriff who attempts to run her out of the city, things turn deadly when Carrie murders a deputy with the heel of her Manolo Blahnik — escaping and going on a cosmo-fueled killing spree. Samantha is brought in to try to contain the situation, but ominously tells the hapless law enforcement that they had “better get a lot of body bags ready.”
More photos of Mr. Parker after the jump — you’ve been warned.
29 Comments, Comment or Ping
Vermillion
Matthew Broderick, no love is worth the pain! Get out, before she goes too far, and you can’t hide the bruises under the makeup anymore! Save yourself!
Aug 8th, 2007
BarbadoSlim
They could either call it Sex and the First Blood or Blood and the City, or Stop or MY mom Will Shoot You… with Blood.
Aug 8th, 2007
Dat_DoOd
“Posted in Vomit” rotfl, dat made me laugh so hard.
Aug 8th, 2007
Dat_DoOd
“Posted in Vomit” rotfl, dat made me laugh so hard.
Aug 8th, 2007
Penis Mightier
In that banner pic it looks like there should be a steaming cadlron in front of her….so you know…she can cackle over it whilst mixing various potions.
Aug 8th, 2007
BarbadoSlim
These pictures are proof of the power of the media to make it seem as if a pile of feces is a bed of flowers. This farm beast is considered a “fashionista” icon.
Aug 8th, 2007
JohnL
I’m tired of seeing female celebrities with larger biceps than mine. I bet her cock is bigger than mine too. I fuckin’ hate that.
Aug 8th, 2007
litelysalted
Oh… god… Matthew Broderick! Can you imagine Ferris Bueller getting held down by those sinewy arms and being repeatedly violated every night? It’s hurting my brain just thinking about it.
Aug 8th, 2007
BarbadoSlim
Repeated violated indeed, I can picture her in full strap holding him down by the neck as she spits on her free hand to “lube” him up as she says: “you are gonna squeal like a pig tonight. Matthew squirms, but her strong arms barely flex as they continue to hold tight, finally Ferris goes limp as he realizes that resisting is futile and his eyes well up with unshed tears.
Aug 8th, 2007
litelysalted
NOOOO!
I… Can’t…
Aug 8th, 2007
bionic bunny
“i’ll get you, my pretty….”
Aug 8th, 2007
open mouth jones
you know he loves it though. really really loves it- she probably gets sick of it. ‘matthew, i TOLD you, I have a headache. i just don’t feel like ramming my fist there tonight. sorry babes’
Aug 8th, 2007
PleaseTrimYourNoseHairs!
I think the courtney love pic is ALOT scarier!
Flaky people - you rag on fatties, then when someone is thin & muscular, you rag on that too.
I do love SJP, but I gotta admit - the hairstyle is wrong for her face, and what’s with that ratty ol’ leather belt? YUCK!
Aug 8th, 2007
open mouth jones
we are equal oppurtunity raggers, nosey. it’s about equality
Aug 8th, 2007
margaretta
Give her a bucket of hay and ride her hard and fast
Aug 8th, 2007
ickfaktor
It looks like she’s using Madonna’s trainer. Very, very scary SJP.
Aug 8th, 2007
The Beave
“….., And your little dog, too!”
Aug 8th, 2007
Ditto
Oh yeah it sure makes me want to run right out there and buy a bottle of sweat. Where in the hell was her head at? On vacation like all the young celebrities, what a role model, skank? OOOOOPPPS!!! I meant STANK!!!!!!!
YUP THERE GOES ANOTHER RUBBER TREE STAMP……
DITTO
Aug 8th, 2007
malvolio
…the fact that she looks like a female sammy hagar is one thing, but her clothes are generally all wrong for her. i can’t believe she’s considered the “epitome” of fashion! anyone with a reasonable bod can pull off a hepburn now and then, but she usually comes off as clownsy and as someone who is trying too hard. relax, you had a hit tv show and you landed the man you chased down for how many years? you win. take a break. there’s too much sjp around, you’ll see that when the perfume and the clothing line tank simaltaneously…
Aug 8th, 2007
rita thompson
FUGLY .
Aug 9th, 2007
RichPort
I agree with margaretta… I’d like to enter both Sarah Jessica Parker Broaderdick and Hillary Duff in the Triple Crown.
Aug 9th, 2007
sandy
Parker has the face of a horse, the nose of pinocchio, and the ugliest toes ever seen on a human female. And now the muscles of Ahnold Schwarzenegger. Ugh!
Aug 9th, 2007
me
That sh#t’s photoshoped. And badly photoshopped. Y’all are suckers. She’s skinny and toned - check pics of that event from other sources.
And anyways, some nice muscles on girls is awesome.
Aug 9th, 2007
Megan
My god, why is she so muscular? I think women look lovely toned up, but not BULKED up like Sarah Jessica is. She looks like a man, or a female body builder. Not attractive!
Aug 10th, 2007
Ginger
I would hardly say she’s bulked up; she’s still freakin tiny.
I dunno, I find SJP to be one of the less offensive celebs. She’s comfortable with her flaws (and there are many), and in this age of plastic surgery gone wild, I think that’s remarkable.
Aug 10th, 2007
franny
you all are bunch of nasty cunts
Aug 12th, 2007
Lily
I used to be jealous of her because everybody used to say how tiny and petite she is. I’m no longer jealous. Her arms are almost as big as my boyfriend’s and he’s an extra large. Poor Matthew!
Aug 17th, 2007
kiara
you is and a muscle man lift 3tonds you monster
Aug 18th, 2007
lindsay
You all are rediculous. As someone said before, how can you possibly hate on someone for being thin and in shape when the other extreme is fat and unhealthy? Do you have nohting better to do with your lives than focus your attention on the every little damn detail of celebrities? Save your scrutiny for something actually important, and stop showing your jealousy through insults.
Rather than focus on her flaws, try to at least make an attempt at maturity and realize that if anything you should respect the hell out of this woman. She’s an amazing role model to young girls, being that she’s healthy, she’s perfectly okay with who she is and what she looks like and doesn’t plan on changing that for the sake of fitting society’s definition of beautiful. At the least, she’s a huge inspiration.
Feb 27th, 2008
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