The mystery regarding Lindsay Lohan’s whereabouts in the days following her arrest has finally been solved: she’s really truly really in rehab. According to TMZ

The day of her arrest, Lohan went to an intense medical detox facility in L.A. for eight days. She then went directly to Cirque in Orem, Utah, a treatment center run by Mormons. People inside the facility say Lindsay has been a “model patient,” and gets absolutely no special treatment… [and] that Lindsay attends 12-step every day, talks with psychiatrists and psychologists, and receives “other medical treatment.” She has two roommates. She spends time washing dishes, cleaning toilets and doing laundry.

I’d love to see Lindsay Lohan elbow deep in a shitter, but common sense tells me that this is the same place that boasts gourmet horses that fly rainbow helicopters. So I find the whole “prison atmosphere” bit a little hard to swallow. But, to be fair, I also found the Lochness monster myth hard to swallow, and then here I sit staring photographic evidence in the face. Nessie is even bigger than I could have imagined. I see from the numbers on her abdomen that she’s been tagged, and it seems she doesn’t feed on the flesh of little girls — the preteen next to her doesn’t look concerned in the slightest — but still… I don’t trust it. Like King Kong or Roseanne Barr before her, unleashing a monstrous beast into civilized society can only spell disaster for all of us. Plus, fat people smell. Case closed!

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