The child abuse investigation into Britney Spears does not involve the physical abuse of her two sons. According to TMZ

Sources say the complaint lodged with Department of Children and Family Services involves allegations of poor dental hygiene, as well as poor eating and sleeping habits for her kids. Curiously, although DCFS keeps these allegations secret, they ended up in legal papers filed today by K-Fed’s attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan, suggesting it might have been Fed-Ex himself who lodged the complaint.

And get this: DCFS is all too familiar with the family. We’ve learned that another anonymous complaint was filed with DCFS on July 2, but it went nowhere.

I think everything DCFS needs to know about the welfare of Britney’s kids can be summed up in the above picture. For instance, the burning cigarette is at least eighteen inches from the naked child’s face. That’s a good foot and a half of breathing room right there. And when Britney comes back in a different wig and cradling a margarita, that naked baby is nowhere to be found. Maybe it’s floating face down in the pool, but if it’s face down, she’s still technically not drinking in front of the children, see? I’m sure Britney’s lawyer is busy assembling a flip book of yesterday’s pictures to present to the judge in her defense. Something to counteract Kevin Federline’s exhibit A: half-empty cans of formula mixed with Bailey’s and Kahlua turned into improvised ashtrays. Something that says “matronly” and “responsible” all in one fell swoop.

More of Britney’s air-tight defense after the jump

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