Maggie Gyllenhaal Proves Theories
Say hello to Maggie Gyllenhaal — the new face of Agent Provocateur lingerie, replacing former supermodel and coke skeeze extraordinarie, Kate Moss.
This deal clearly had to have been negotiated by Einstein, Da Vinci and Jesus in heaven. After all, Maggie Gyllenhaal is basically the epitome of the perfect artistic female form. Plus, I’m pretty sure that even Einstein’s Theory of Relativity includes a bit that the inertial motion of the wiener has a greater gravitational force towards sultry foxes as opposed to washed up skanks. And we musn’t forget that passage in the bible which goes something like, “Come hither; I will shew unto thee the judgment of the great filthy whore that smoketh thy crack.” Who says science, art and religion can’t go hand and hand?
More of Maggie G melting panties and breaking hearts — after the jump.
35 Comments, Comment or Ping
Vermillion
…
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I’ll be in my bunk.
Sep 4th, 2007
RichPort
Here is a perfect example of why the turnover rate is so high amongst the creative departments on Madison Avenue. I suspect lingerie sales will plunge.
Sep 4th, 2007
litelysalted
Ha, Vermillion I’m not even shitting you — I said the same exact thing to Constance.
Sep 4th, 2007
Anonymous 1981
While this woman isn’t a looker by the stretch of anyone’s imagination, I can’t hep but recognize that she looks fierce in that banner pic. She looks all old money and liquid lunches. Thank you photoshop!
Sep 4th, 2007
margaretta
Are those eyebrows or centipedes? Blah.
Sep 4th, 2007
margaretta
Er…I meant eyelashes… margarita flashback
Sep 4th, 2007
ils vont...
never really think of her as a sex symbol. If you see her up close her face is kind of gnarly, but in these pics she looks pretty good.
Sep 4th, 2007
Mr. Poop
errrr nope, don’t think so.
Sep 4th, 2007
spatz
more proof that anyone on the planet can be dolled up and airbrushed to look like sexy. i like the choice of maggie gylenhal cause she’s different and unique but she has such a weird muppet face.
Sep 4th, 2007
RichPort
Picture 3 says… so this is what I get when I arrive late, with only 35 bucks, and all the other hookers were scooped up by that 85 year old oil tycoon with that bottle of Cialis and a gang band fetish…
Or… Mrs Gyllenhaal… can you just tell me when Tommy is coming homwe so we can study for our 5th grade spelling test?
Sep 4th, 2007
anony
It’s not her face — it’s ner nose.
Great body, bad nose about sums it up
Sep 4th, 2007
litelysalted
Dammit, Richport! Maggie Gyllenhaal is my ultimate lesbian fantasy crush and if you take that away from me, I swear to God I’ll rip your dick off and stomp it out with the heel of my stiletto like it’s a motherfucking cigarette butt. And that goes for the rest of youse — capeesh?
Sep 4th, 2007
Penis Mightier
Ew….
Sep 4th, 2007
Penis Mightier
Oh, and I just wanna add that nobody can take away your lesbian fantasy for this chick. In fact, I think she’d be down with it, since no self respecting guy would be caught dead banging this hideous fug-beast.
Sep 4th, 2007
RichPort
The typos I had above reflect my level of notbeingattractedtoherness.
She’s all yours LS… you just might wanna put a trough of slop out for her when you’re done with her…
And there’s NO way your stilettos are that big.
Sep 4th, 2007
Kim
She has a really nice body but her face… it doesn’t work for her the way it does for her brother, I’m sorry to say.
Sep 4th, 2007
me
Now hold on there kiddies. These pictures are awful but that don’t mean Maggie’s a mutt. Who did her makeup, Helen Keller? I’m a natural kinda guy and that to me is Maggie’s strength. in the buff she is simply a girl you wouldn’t mind at all wakin’ up next to.
these pictures don’t do her no good. hell, even the underwear itself looks average at best.
Sep 4th, 2007
Chez
In the words of Anthony Michael Hall in Sixteen Candles — it’s a nice figure.
Sep 4th, 2007
blah
Her nose is ugly
Sep 4th, 2007
BarbadoSlim
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh AH AH AH AH bleeeeeeeeh…..
Sep 4th, 2007
loveyouintheface
Don’t worry, Salty. I adore her too.
I agree about the face paint, though. It would have been nice to see her rock fancy underpants in less of a “Marge’s make-up gun is set on whore” way.
Sep 4th, 2007
DiamondSal
Well if it ain’t ol mush mouth pig-nose making herself all naughty and disgusting? It’s so funny.. She looks like aging silent filmstar vamp.. only older and more musky.
Sep 4th, 2007
Lon Chaney
I’m guessing none of you have seen Secretary…
When you have, you’ll shut up about how “ugly” she is. I’m not saying she’s gorgeous, but she isn’t bad at all. At least she’s not conceited like 90% of Hollywood.
Sep 4th, 2007
Lon Chaney
Now that I think about the movie Secretary….I think I need to go watch it again…….it’s okay…I’ll be back in like 5 minutes.
Sep 4th, 2007
BarbadoSlim
Lon Chaney: Hahahahahahahaha, are you for real?
Many years of porn have made me so jaded I don’t think some Cinemax quality soft-core will do anything for me.
As for her being conceited; have you ever seen one of this bitch’s interviews? She can hardly keep the contempt off her voice or her scowl.
Sep 4th, 2007
sina
have any of you seen Secretary? she is really, reeeeaaaally sexy!!
Sep 4th, 2007
BarbadoSlim
*sigh*
I guess if it we were at the swap meet or something and I’d downed a couple of 40s AND there was nothing else I would take her somewhere, But afterwards, after I ran out of smokes, I’d be like: “Ok, now you need to go…”
Sep 4th, 2007
CruisingforCock
These pics are what nightmares are made of. Shit, someone sleep with me, anyone…please?
Sep 4th, 2007
Joe
Sorry, but her face looks like it’s melting. The whole thing looks like “over the hill madam”, you know?
I’ve seen Secretary and every other movie she’s done. I’ve also read her interviews and I still say this woman has serious bitchface. She’s very stuck-up and she has that east-coast, upper class, pretentious liberalism that her brother has. I wish they’d gotten someone else.
Sep 4th, 2007
Gedeon
I bet Petra Nemcova was too busy and Maggie was the last on the list of bored-yet-crack-free not too whorey-yet-cheap celebs or something?!
Anybody ever saw a wildebeest?
Sep 5th, 2007
RichPort
She is to unattractive what lungs are to breathing, what penises are to ejaculating, what Puerto Ricans are to rice and beans, what her brother is to male sex scenes, what Slim is to funny, what Abby and LS are to Shakespearean prose, what I am to Magnum condoms…
Seriously I could go on for days…
Sep 5th, 2007
Jen#2
She does look like her face is melted, and she seems to be a bitch when you see her in interviews, she’s supposed to be an actress act nice then.
I think her and her brother are both really wierd looking. Her body is good in this though, her face looks awful though.
If someone took those pics of me I would cry and cry and cry, yes I am a little superficial I guesse but to each his/her own.
Sep 5th, 2007
Donkey-punch
Saggy tits
Face you keep in the pillow
A lingerie spokesperson Please!!
Don’t get me wrong I like her but shes no model
Just a girl you would like to put on her stomach with a pair of handcuffs and give her face a cream rinse if you know what I mean
Sep 5th, 2007
anony
I’ll reiterate — nice figure, bad nose.
And it looks like a few of you agree with me.
(She inherited the nose from one of her parents.)
In that first picture, the body is great but from the
neck up she looks like a Morlock from the 1960
version of H.G. Wells’ “The Time Machine.”
Sep 5th, 2007
Anthony Duling
Maggie Gyllenhaal Kimmel in shower!!
Home private video online:
http://maggie-gyllenhaal-sex-tape.blogspot.com/?id=5098384&s=y
Oct 9th, 2009
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