I was going to do separate Best and Worst Dressed lists, but let’s face it — this year’s Video Music Awards brought out the usual cavalcade of heinous fashion disasters, and out of the bunch at best anything could be categorized as “Acceptably Dressed” — so I’m going to just lump it all together. If there was an overall theme to this year’s VMAs, I’d have to say it was “Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman Before She Got All Fancy and Still Wore Whore Outfits,” as evidenced by Rhianna here. This look is saying “Upscale Melrose Hooker” all the way.

More fashion commentary after the jump!

Normally I would say Megan Fox can wear whatever she damn well pleases — but there is no excuse for matching your lipstick color with your dress. Ever.

Alicia Keys decided to go a bit of a different route with “Catwoman Fetish Prostitute.” That’s the real expensive kind — all she’s missing is her ears and whip. Well played, Alicia.

Good to see Beyonce’s mom is still making her homemade dresses out of Liberace’s curtains.

This is about as classy as Paris has ever looked, and so I applaud her for that. Unfortunately for her, this is also about the “wonkiest” I’ve ever seen her wonk eye look, and nothing transforms an otherwise classy outfit into hooker territory than a wonk eye set to “stun.”

Now, defying all laws of logic — here we have Tila Tequila — someone who basically is a whore, or pornstar, or whatever the hell Tila Tequila is (woodland gnome?) wearing probably the cutest dress so far. Which still, is not saying much.

What a shock! Here’s Ashlee Simpson trying something “goth-ey” for a change. I wonder if she and her faggy boyfriend share the same eyeliner and black nail polish.

Here’s tattoo artist Kat Von D. Yep, that’s about what I expected. Moving on…

Fantastic! Ashanti has brought back the Rhinestone Doily look. Although, does a classic like this ever really go out of style?

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