I’m sure you’ve been all a-twitter to hear Tommy Lee’s version of what went down between him and Kid Rock Sunday night at the VMAs. Well, here you have it, straight from the horse’s ass mouth, via his own personal website:

Yeah!! …..here I am minding my own biz having a great time with my friend Criss Angel (magician) and watching the MTV awards in the front row saying hello to all my friends……Pamela comes and sits on my lap who I love and adore….and also say hello to my friend Travis Barker and his wife!…..and i get a text from another friend P. Diddy and he says come sit with me…..and he’s sitting with Miss HOT Megan FOX so I go over and sit with P! Not a minute later and Alicia Keys starts her amazing performance….(“I apologize sweetie…..I had nothing to do with the timing and disrespect”)……back to the stupid-ness!!….so….. I get a tap on the shoulder from Kid Pebble…I stand up and embrace him with a semi hug and say “Hey dude…What up”?? He punches me in the face…..well if ya wanna call it that!?….more like a bitch slap!…….Wuss!! Anyway….i go to knock this jealous country bumpkin the f$%k OUT….and before I can have a meeting with my fist and his ugly ass mug ….security guards… grab me and haul my ass outta the award show! So I’m fine and of course leave to my room with police and owner of the Palm’s George Maloof……the rest is paper work and bullshit!… Anyway…… I would like to apologize to Alicia and George and MTV for the disrespectful bullshit caused by a piece of shit called Kid Pebble!!

So then… I was all OMG! … And he was like…. WTF?! LOL!?!…………. ROTFLMAO! C3PO!!! %*@….. RU486 ASPCA!!!! Ellipses RULE! Boy, I thought that Stephen A. Douglas was a great debater, but Tommy Lee makes one hell of a argument. The argument for assisted suicide and maybe mandatory inoculations with Massengil. No one should have to live with Hepatitis C and that kind of douchebaggery in today’s modern age. Not here. Not on my watch. The future is here, boys and girls, and it’s spring meadow fresh!