Angelina Jolie might want Brad Pitt to play father to her children, but that doesn’t mean she wants him touching her bank account. According to Gatecrasher

A reporter was sitting nearby when Angelina Jolie popped into the Waldorf-Astoria’s Sir Harry’s bar to enjoy a glass of red wine with “a tall, muscular male friend” and talk about money. “I won’t talk to Brad about this because you know how he is financially, which is stupid,” she said. “Someone has to make the big decisions, though. He’ll put money into things — but it’s bizarre! It doesn’t always make sense to me. The reality is, we’re not a company together. Things should be separate. I think you know I make my own financial decisions. Brad knows there are times he should just be quiet and look pretty.”

If that reporter would have stuck around a little longer, they probably would have seen Angie pull a pair of testicles out of her purse and toss them on the ground so she and the muscular male could take turns stomping on them. They also might have noticed Brad watching through the window the whole time with this pitiful Eeyore-esque expression on his face and weighted down with her passel of foreign kids. And when Angie was finally done with all the stomping and the drop kicks, they would have seen her pick the testes up between her thumb and forefinger and kind of swing them back and forth in front of the window and mouth “You want these, big boy?” Then Brad would have trudged in, head down to avoid any direct eye contact, palm outstretched, and maybe stammer “Um, what did you need, Angeli-?” and she doesn’t even let him finish before she starts slapping him in the face with his own ballsack like it was a glove to the cheek before a pistol duel. “I said,” she would yell, “DO (smack) YOU (smack) WANT (smack) THESE (smack smack smack smack smack).” Then the reporter would have watched him pay their tab before she tripped him on the way out. The moral here: Brad Pitt is the luckiest bastard on Earth. True story.

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