Lindsay Lohan Gets a Visit From Daddy

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Michael Lohan met with daughter Lindsay for the first time in more than three years at her Utah rehab center over the weekend. News of the World quotes him as saying:

“As soon as I arrived Lindsay rushed into my arms, then curled up on my lap and sobbed like a baby. Lindsay said, ‘Daddy, I have done some terrible things and been addicted to drugs but please believe me I will never do drugs again. She said she does not want to live in Hollywood as that is where this evil in her life happens. She said, ‘I hate Hollywood and I don’t want to work there. I need a break and I am moving away’. I will stop hanging round with people who are bad for me’.”

Michael then added he and Lindsay are putting in a good word with the Almighty on Britney Spears’ behalf:

“You only have to look at the poor state Britney Spears is in at the moment to know living in Hollywood is not good for these young girls. Lindsay and I both pray Britney can turn her life around too.”

Well, good. The prayers of a coked up slut in rehab and a deadbeat alcoholic fresh out of the slammer ought to really carry a lot of weight with the big man upstairs. Who needs the Holy Spirit when you’ve got the firecrotch playing spiritual liaison for you? Besides, I’m pretty sure you make it to heaven by default when even the Prince of Darkness can’t stomach the idea of eternity with you.

More of Lindsay and Michael sharing a Hallmark moment at the Cirque Lodge after the jump

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13 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. margaretta

    Daddy did you bring the stash?

  2. DiamondSal

    When liars meet.

  3. RichPort

    She looks oddly fuckable in pic #2.

    What? Stop looking at me like that…

  4. abby

    The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. And by “apple” I mean “stupid slut.”

  5. Otto the Short Yellow Bus Driver

    Lilo: “And how much are we making by selling this fake reunion to the tabs daddy…”

    Daddy: “Shut up bitch… your cut is the stash I’m bringing into you… now where is my pimp money ho — daddy ain’t leavin’ until he gets his money.”

  6. sonya

    Well now that didn’t sound scripted AT ALL.

  7. marius

    i wanna be her daddy

  8. marius

    i wanna be everything for her…LEAVE LINDSAY ALONE

  9. RichPort

    Sorry marius, she apparently likes men with actual penises, not embarrassing stumps. That and anyone willing to give her 10 grand to (ahem) blow on, well, blow. And we all know you don’t make that much at the freak show. And of course by freak show, I mean dressed in a speedo and pink feathered boa in your grandmother’s attic, applying lipstick to your exit hole. Now go shave your palms and kindly step away from the keyboard. I mean, fuck, someone needs to buy Georgia Rule on DVD and masturbate to the opening credits…

  10. open mouth jones

    RichPort, I was all set to go off on marius for being such a gayfer, but then i saw your post and i thought, well there isn’t much else to add is there?
    Many thanks my friend.
    A girl just gets so tired of typing ‘yes, she really is that slutty’ and ‘who cares what size normal girls are? it’s still a proven fact that whales and bikinis don’t mix’ ad nauseum.

  11. marius

    wow nice comment richport you sick bastard

  12. bionic bunny

    yup, and that is why we love him. ’nuff said.

  13. lindsay lohan look so hot
    it make me wont to hold her in my arm
    and don’t let out of her

    i will do anything for her
    and do anythind to help her out

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