The reason Britney Spears wasn’t crying the day two days early that she turned over custody to K-Fed wasn’t because meth makes it hard to feel any emotion other than anger. It was because she knew without a doubt that she was gonna get those little bastards back. She’s Britney fuckin’ Spears! NY Daily News reports

A delusional Britney Spears is “optimistic” she’ll get her kids back today when she tells the court she missed her mandatory drug test because of a scheduling snafu. “She is feeling very optimistic about the future,” Spears’ pal Sam Lufti [revealed]. “There were scheduling conflicts and some errors in communication as to times and places for drug tests… but they’re all squared away now,” he said, as if Spears had missed a weave appointment rather than a stern judge’s order. “She is hoping the judge will reverse the order now that she is making steps to follow through with what they asked.

But TMZ doesn’t share the same optimism. Looks like there might have been a little more to it than just a “scheduling snafu.”

Britney was supposed to sign a document that [allowed] psychological evaluations. Commissioner Gordon ordered Spears to get the signed document to K-Fed’s lawyer by Monday at 10:00 AM or appear in court. She did neither.

The judge ordered both Kevin and Britney to submit proof they had valid California driver’s licenses and insurance [and] that neither party drive with the children [without] the proper license. Over the weekend, Spears [drove] with the kids in Malibu [without] a California license.

Thursday night at Sutra nightclub in Newport Beach, various people say they saw [Britney] drinking alcohol after midnight. Neither Britney nor K-Fed were allowed to consume alcohol within 12 hours of [obtaining] physical custody of the kids. Britney picked the children up at noon on Friday, which means she violated Gordon’s order.

Blah blah blah who cares anymore. She’s an irresponsible dumbass hell-bent on self-destruction. Plus she’s fat. Done and done. And I’ve had enough of her ratty-ass weave to last me the next five or six years, so instead, I present the lovely and gracious humanitarian Angelina Jolie in the October issue of Park Avenue magazine. Say what you will — she wears underpants and she loves her kids. All four hundred and twelve of them. And she doesn’t smell like KFC and wart remover, so checkmate, Britney.

More of Angie draped in satin after the jump.