Oct 4, 2007

Charlie Sheen is a Gentleman and a Scholar

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Charlie Sheen maintained the “high road” position in his ongoing custody battle with ex-wife Denise Richards with several eloquently worded emails he sent her way. Page Six reports

“You are an evil piece of [shit]. I can’t wait to tell the world what a piece of [shit] you are. You don’t get a [fucking] dime till this is resolved,” Charlie Sheen wrote to Denise Richards in an e-mail the actress included in documents filed last week in L.A. Superior Court in the couple’s custody battle. “You are a pig. A sad, jobless pig who is sad and talentless and sad and jobless and evil and a bad mom, so go [fuck] yourself sad jobless pig,” reads another. “Go cry to your bald mom, you [fucking] loser,” says a third e-mail. Richards says in her court filing that she was particularly hurt by the one about her mother, who is undergoing chemotherapy treatments for cancer.

Ah, the much ballyhooed but rarely ever witnessed your-mom-has-cancer burn. Like, “Your mom’s had so much radiation she glows at night” or “Your mom’s so cancerous she smells like Interferon and Methotrexate.” And don’t let’s forget the un-top-able “Your mom’s cancer’s so bad she died when she was thirty-two.” Zing! Burn, mothafucka!

10 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. Showgrrrl

    Someone should try to teach the poor bastard that when attempting to use alliteration, using the same word doesn’t count.
    I particularly liked the sentence that contained the word ’sad’ 4 times, ‘jobless’ 3 times, and pig twice (3 times in the same phrase).

    That being said, I think the next burn I may throw on someone will inadvertently be ‘Sad Jobless Pig’ since it seems to be etched into my brain right now.

    Nothin’ but class…

    Oct 4th, 2007

  2. RichPort

    Yo mama’s so fat, her cancer has cellulite!

    Yo mama’s so fat, her cancer has THREE chins!

    Yo mama’s so bald, I can read her mind!

    By the way, what’s wrong with the emails? I think it would be a lie and an insult to call her anything other that a talentless fucking whore. But that’s just me. Oh, and Charlie apparently…

    Oct 4th, 2007

  3. scarpetta

    I’ve emroidered his endearing words on a pillow
    His children will need lots of therapy before they write that best seller

    Oct 4th, 2007

  4. Dragulf

    Yeah, well how do you think I felt when I took her to bed and her wig popped off!!!

    Oct 4th, 2007

  5. Runculf

    Dragulf

    For some reason I thought you said she pooped off on you

    Oct 4th, 2007

  6. abby

    I like that Charlie chose only one-syllable adjectives to insult Denise. And then repeated them four or five times in the same sentence. Sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad! If you could see inside his brain, there’d probably be a couple of flies buzzing around a dead rodent in one of those hamster wheel thingies.

    Oct 4th, 2007

  7. OpenYourEyes!

    All of you are blind. These two are in love., and what they share is beautiful.

    Oct 4th, 2007

  8. kdawg

    You know, as far as pig accusations go, Alec Baldwin’s tirade towards his daughter was SO MUCH better, and it was obviously just on the fly. He didn’t take the time to sit down at the computer, spend forty minutes typing it out using the spell check and thesaurus, and then read it off to his buddy to make sure it sounded okay. No. He just called up his kid anticipating a nice phone conversation, but when she didn’t pick up he exploded into one of the greatest rants I’ve ever heard. Charlie should definitely have listened to that tape for research. Or at least watched Glengarry Glen Ross.

    And also, Kim Basinger is much more of a cunt than Denise Richards probably is.

    Oct 4th, 2007

  9. bionic bunny

    i dunno, denise is awfully cunty!
    plus she’s got the whole ‘ho thing going on.

    Oct 4th, 2007

  10. scarpetta

    Yeah, she may be cunty but Charlie my Boy is cuntier

    Oct 5th, 2007

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