Oct 18, 200712

Lindsay’s New Man Meat Liked the Xanax

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I’m sure you already figured this guy had to be pretty fuckin’ awesome if he gets to pork Lindsay Lohan, but it looks like Riley Giles is even more awesome than previously believed. According to TMZ

Riley Giles was pinched by the Summit County Sheriff in Utah for possession of a controlled substance by misrepresentation, fraud, forgery or subterfuge — in layman’s terms, he forged prescriptions for the drug Xanax. Summit County Sheriffs tell TMZ he was picked up by officers in March of 2006. Riley [also] spent 10 days in the slammer for DUI.

Well, if the Wu-Tang shirt and the sideways ball cap didn’t tip you off before, this guy is one cool mofo. Did I mention he had sex with Lindsay Lohan? Really, if he were any cooler, he’d leave a trail of ice wherever he went and blow frost instead of smoke when he exhaled. We’d have to call him “Ice Man” and wear mittens when we passed him a joint. “The Ice Man cometh!” we’d say when he walked in the room. Or, you know, we could just call him a faggot and take turns kicking him in the nuts. I think that’s the standard M.O. for people with really gay nicknames.

UPDATE: Read excerpts from Riley and his ex-fiancee’s MySpace fight here

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12 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. BarbadoSlim

    Rollingrolling…rolling…rollingrolling

    Oct 18th, 2007

  2. Otto the Short Yellow Bus Driver

    Kicking him in the nuts and making fun of him would be fun, excpet for the fact he doesn’t have any.

    Oct 18th, 2007

  3. abby

    What about “Gibbles?” He looks like a Gibbles. Like, “Quit drooling in the bong, Gibbles!” or “I think Gibbles might have just shit his pants.” Also, he’s working a serious crazy wonk-eye in that shot. Maybe “Sandy Duncan” might be better.

    Oct 18th, 2007

  4. Otto the Short Yellow Bus Driver

    Gibbles is good, but after being with Firecrotch, maybe the nickname “Clambake” it would be a better fit since that is the new “couture” Hollyweird std, or maybe “Pussywhip.” So it would be like hey Pussywhip one of your pretend girfriends called or that Clambake is on fire down there after his tryst with the slut in the hallway.

    Oct 18th, 2007

  5. celebretard

    I like Gibbles too. Has anyone see Lindsay FriendSpaceBook Profile its really funny! http://www.friendspacebook.com/LindsayLohan

    Oct 18th, 2007

  6. Gweilo

    The face on this assclown suggests that he has two big regrets. One is watching “The Butterfly Effect” the previous night, the other is not keeping a childhood diary.

    Oct 18th, 2007

  7. Dragulf

    Kibbles?

    Oct 18th, 2007

  8. Tine

    What about Opossum Face…he’s got a pointy snout and his peepers are too close together!

    Oct 18th, 2007

  9. abby

    Possum McGibbles? I think we’re really making some headway here…

    Oct 18th, 2007

  10. Otto the Short Yellow Bus Driver

    Maybe Bambi “Possum” McGibbles since he looks like a deer in the headlights– then again he could be Jessica’ Simpson’s long lost son, the one she birthed from Pimpa Joe when she was 11. They both have that lost stare when the flash bulbs go off in their face.

    Oct 18th, 2007

  11. Celebretarded

    He looks worse every time I see him. What was lindsay thinking. And now he has his own FriendSpaceBook profile. http://www.friendspacebook.com/rilsaygilhan

    Oct 18th, 2007

  12. Greg

    I went to highschool (Newport Harbor) with this clown. This guy personifies the word douche and was part of a special needs program they had there. He was a moron getting into trouble back then and he obviously hasn’t changed.

    Oct 25th, 2007

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