Oct 25, 2007

David Copperfield is a Rapist, Not Jessica Simpson

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Well, here it is in black and white, folks: David Copperfield is a dirty fucking rapist. According to the NY Daily News

A friend of the woman’s [said] “Copperfield invited [the woman in question] to a lavish party at his remote compound in the Bahamas, but when she got there, she discovered there was no party and no other guests. She wanted to go home right away, but David [said] she could leave the next day if she really wanted to. That night, Copperfield forced himself on her, holding her arms down on the bed, leaving her with terrible bruises. She told me she fought back, but that just seemed to turn him on more. After Copperfield had finished with her, [she used] her cell phone to take photos of the crime scene. In order to preserve physical evidence, she didn’t shower. The next day, she went back home to Seattle… and drove straight to the Harborview Medical Center, where medical personnel performed a ‘rape kit’ on her.”

Agents from Seattle’s FBI office later coordinated a sting operation with the woman - encouraging her to e-mail the magician and arranging a meeting in Vegas, according to the friend.

Movies like “The Prestige” and “The Illusionist” might have convinced you that magicians are totally cool and powerful, but I’m here to remind you they’re not. They’re huge queers like Criss Angel and that douchebag who locked himself in underwater bubble for a week. Blain? Bain? No matter. For all practical purposes his name should have been “Cum Stain.” Look, having millions of dollars and a show in Vegas doesn’t erase two decades spent as “Eliazar the Infernal Voice Third Level Elven Rogue” or an adolescence filled with purple nurples. It takes several years of hard drinking and a lot sex with prostitutes before you can really ever shake those shackles of dorkdom.

Here’s Jessica Simpson (with SNL alum Cheri Oteri) at the Frederick’s of Hollywood 2008 Spring Collection yesterday, because Jessica has nice legs and David Copperfield doesn’t:

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8 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. open mouth jonesNo Gravatar

    my day is always complete when pictures of this vapid blondes gaping maw show up. even if the accompanying article is really about pervy copperfield.

    Oct 25th, 2007

  2. abbyNo Gravatar

    That dress really detracts from her boobs.

    Oct 25th, 2007

  3. sonyaNo Gravatar

    “And now, for my next trick, I’ll make my penis magically disappear…”

    Oct 25th, 2007

  4. Italian StallionNo Gravatar

    I’ll take “the rapist” for 1000, Alex………..

    Oct 25th, 2007

  5. Italian StallionNo Gravatar

    P.S Jessica looks hot in these pictures. She could do better then that dude though………..

    Oct 25th, 2007

  6. AxeldeeNo Gravatar

    GOD SHE’S UGLY

    http://www.spymac.com/details/?2288032

    Oct 26th, 2007

  7. open mouth jonesNo Gravatar

    But isn’t that why you didn’t tag this post as ‘boobies’, abbs, when Ms. Berry got the honor? I mean, no offence to Gaping Maw Simpson here, but Halle’s taking celebrity racks to a whole new level of wholesome goodness.

    Oct 26th, 2007

  8. Otto the Short Yellow Bus DriverNo Gravatar

    please do not startle the rare blonde deer with flash bulbs, it becomes disoriented and starts to sing and act

    Oct 26th, 2007

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