Don’t think that sobriety is gonna put a damper on Lindsay Lohan’s holiday plans — she’s already agreed to host LAX’s New Year’s Eve blowout in Vegas. According to Us Weekly

“Lindsay doesn’t necessarily want to host, but she’s contractually obligated,” a source says. Lohan took on the gig in order to pay back the “hundreds of thousands of dollars” she got by agreeing to host her 21st birthday at PURE. Lohan was forced to scrap the bash to [begin] treatment in rehab. Adds the source, “She already took the money from the birthday gig and can’t afford to pay them back.”

It’s just like that scene in Godfather III — “Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!” And then someone opens fire and plugs her in the chest on the opera house steps and she dies in her father’s arms as he weeps. Only in Lindsay’s case it would be “dies with a dick in her mouth and one in the pooper while everybody cheers.” Francis Ford Coppola and E! True Hollywood Story should really consider doing some kind of artistic collaboration.

EDITOR’S NOTE: I know there aren’t any pictures. Don’t worry; I have geeks on the case. Just so you know, this has nothing to do with binge drinking or getting tasered or getting arrested at four in the morning. I’m perfectly alright. It’s the damn computer that’s fucked up. I suggest writing your congressman.

UPDATE: All fixed! Thanks for your patience. It seems Sally Jesse Raphael has her own eye wear line!

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