Nov 9, 200710

Amy Winehouse’s Enabler Arrested

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Amy Winehouse managed to secure her American visa last week despite a string of pending drug charges, but it looks like her short-lived happiness is about to meet its maker. And then get beaten with a shovel and stuffed down a sewer grate. The Daily Mail reports

A distraught Amy Winehouse wept hysterically and screamed ‘Baby, I love you’ as husband Blake Fielder-Civil was arrested and led away by police officers over an alleged £200,000 trial-fixing plot. Fielder-Civil, 25, was seized by eight plain clothes officers at the flat in Bow. He was handcuffed and led away as Winehouse looked on and begged: “I want to go with him.” Fielder was arrested on suspicion of perverting the course of justice in connection with a trial [for assault charges filed against him] due to start next week. If convicted, the maximum sentence for the offense is life.

This is why heroin addicts are never secret agents. Well, that and the smell. They’re about as subtle as a fucking fog horn. Side note: this is why Jack Bauer doesn’t spend his 24 hours to save America having huge memory lapses and then lying on the floor. I personally obtained Blake’s “Trial-Rigging To Do” list, and this Yeeeah! exclusive shows you just where his plans went wrong.

Blake Fielder-Civil’s To Do List:

  1. Shoot up
  2. Find the defense attorney and offer him some coke and sex with Amy if he keeps quiet
  3. Realize you already snorted all the coke and Amy’s still at home
  4. Stand there in awkward silence
  5. Cough
  6. Realize “defense attorney” actually means “your attorney”
  7. Go home and shoot up again
  8. Forget where you parked the car
  9. Forget what day it is
  10. Call the judge from your home phone and use a Middle Eastern accent threatening to kill him
  11. Cry
  12. Offer to suck his dick for more heroin
  13. Call him a faggot and hang up
  14. Lay down
  15. Celebrate success by shooting up and drinking Thunderbird
  16. Cuss your defense attorney
  17. Punch Amy in the side of the head

That’s all I’ve got. The rest of the list was covered in vomit and ash. But given his remarkable success yesterday, I figured “punching your girlfriend” was as good a place to stop as any!

Watch Amy’s “Back to Black” video above and see video footage of the arrest here

Police bashing in the door of their apartment:

winehouse-arrest-5.jpgwinehouse-arrest-3.jpgwinehouse-arrest-2.jpgwinehouse-arrest-1.jpg

10 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. BarbadoSlim

    18. forget to bathe.

    19. forget to floss and brush.

    20. forget to use deodorant.

    21.forget to change underwear.

    22. vomit profusely, wipe with sleeve.

    Nov 9th, 2007

  2. abby

    23. Stare in a mirror while listening to “Dark Side of the Moon”

    24. Smash mirror with fist

    25. Sop up blood with paper towels

    26. Wring out paper towels into a syringe

    27. Waste not, want not!

    Nov 9th, 2007

  3. Otto the Short Yellow Bus Driver

    28. Chase the phantom dragon.

    29. Get a quickie when Amy is passed out.

    30. Call the escort service for a fat hooker.

    31. Break a needle in arm looking for a vein.

    32. Borrow Amy’s credit card for the fat hooker.

    33. Pass out on the front steps.

    34. Leave right before the bobbies break down the front door with a search warrant.

    Nov 9th, 2007

  4. Italian Stallion

    35. Go to get your next fix.

    36. Bang a hooker on the way.

    37. Pick up a dirty needle found in gutter.

    38. Stop at the store for tooth paste. (hahahahahahahaha)

    39. Scratch the local homeless dog until his leg twitches.

    40. Proceed to bite off finger nails with all that doggie goodness you just acquired.

    41. Chase down the little leperchuan(?) and try to steal his pot of gold.

    42. Throw up from all that running.

    43. Shoot up.

    44. Scream “Norman Bates is crazy”.

    45. Call your wife a whore.

    46. Shoot up.

    47. OD and fucking DIE already!!!!!!

    Nov 10th, 2007

  5. Gweilo

    Rather than simply screaming “Baby I love you!” she should have treated the court to a Ramones stylee cover version.

    Nov 10th, 2007

  6. Gweilo

    ^ By “court” I mean of course “the arresting officers and the assembled throng of gawking neighbours”. That’ll teach me for not paying attention.

    Nov 10th, 2007

  7. Axeldee

    WHAT’S WITH THE ATTITUDE…AMY IS GREAT…

    http://www.uglypeople.org

    Nov 12th, 2007

  8. DiamondSal

    Blame Sean Penn and Leo DeCapio

    Nov 12th, 2007

  9. Just Me

    Yeah, Amy is great! So what if she’s a slut bitch? http://www.spymac.com/details?2295014

    Nov 12th, 2007

  10. J

    In his defense, Jack was a heroin addict in like the third season or something.

    Nov 13th, 2007

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