An arrest warrant has been issued in Japan for Hayden Panettiere for her part in a protest against the slaughter of dolphins off the coast of Taji. According to People Magazine

“I learned today that I have an arrest warrant out for me in Japan because of what I did for Save the Whales,” Panettiere, 18, is quoted as telling E! News. Asked what the repercussions might be from the warrant, Panettiere said, “Potentially jail, but I doubt it. I guess they could come here and get us, but probably not.”

Jail? I don’t think so. Uh-uh. This is Japan we’re talking about. The country where you can buy used school girl underpants out of a vending machine or be a porn star by pissing your pants in public. I figure instead of jail they’ll find a way to incorporate mayonnaise and live sea urchins in little boys’ nostrils, or something else inconceivably despicable. The Japanese might have their technology and their ridiculous SAT scores and their unparalleled work ethic, but here in the States, we’ve got normal porn, and we’ve got plenty of it. That has to count for something! I say the fate of our society rests in your collective clenched fist, America. I hereby decree it your civic duty to masturbate*. Prove yourself a patriot and rub one out for the boys overseas!

_{*Feel free to reference this article when explaining the bukkake collection to your mother/girlfriend/grandmother/horribly scarred kids on the playground.}

Hayden photoshopped within an inch of her life in Vanity Fair:

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