Tom Cruise’s long-time friends Will Smith and wife Jada Pinkett have reportedly turned to the dark side. And by “dark side” I mean “aliens and haunted volcanoes and shit.” According to Us Weekly

Smith, 39, who was raised Baptist… tells Men’s Vogue, “I’ve studied Buddhism and Hinduism, and I’ve studied Scientology through Tom [Cruise]. Ninety-eight percent of the principles [in Scientology] are identical to the principles of the Bible. . . . I don’t think that because the word someone uses for spirit is ‘thetan’ that the definition becomes any different.”

A source tells Us Weekly that “wife Jada [is even] more gung-ho about Scientology than Will.”

There have long been rumors that Will and Jada are closet gays. Don’t even get me started on John Travolta being a huge queer. And Tom Cruise is the reigning king of fagocity. So I should assume that the Church of Scientology is three mimosas and a pair of butt-less chaps away from being the freakin’ ILGA. Two guesses as to where they stick those e-meters of theirs. The pooper. I’d bet they have double-headed e-meters for the lesbos, so nobody feels left out. Jesus, I don’t even want to know what they’re doing with those Affinity-Reality-Communication Triangles. Perverts.

Yeeeah… Jada’s definitely not gay:

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