Those rumors that Jennifer Lopez is expecting both a boy and a girl in February have been confirmed via her excessive gift registry at the L.A. baby boutique Petit Tresor. Rush and Molloy says

What mama wants is pricey.There’s the $349 cashmere outfit, one in pink stripes, one in blue, from Baby CZ. There are two Moses baskets for $225 each, … Smushy teddy bears with pink or blue ribbons for $65 [and a] Balmoral enameled black carriage for a mere $3,495. There’s one $289 suede play mat. The cheapest item is the Adiri Natural Nurser at $22. Lopez wants 10 of those. There’s also a $560 jogging stroller for two. She’s also requested not one but two double Peg Perego strollers for $429 — one in toffee, and one in mint.

She’s having the tastemakers at Petit Tresor design three nurseries for the teeny totlets at the couple’s estates in Bel Air, Fisher Island, and Oyster Bay, says a friend. Lopez is spending $40,000 to outfit each nest, the pal adds, including gilded cribs. “She wants them filled with the most chic furniture from Europe and embroidered linens from France.” In pink and blue, natch.

JLo would be better off investing in cashmere toilet paper, because that’s what the little bastards will use those onesies for. Crap and puke. Every single embroidered linen will be covered it in. And anything not splattered with feces and vomit will be soggy from drool and urine that somehow seeped out of the front of the diaper when you weren’t looking. You might as well invest in angora throws and hand-beaded satin sheets for the frat house and upholster all your incontinent grandparents’ furniture in raw silk with suede accents.

Jennifer at the Movies That Rock in Hollywood earlier this month:

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