I hope everyone out there in readerland had a very Merry Christmas and Chocolate Kwanzaa¹ and Explosive Eid-ul-Adha or whatever the hell holiday you celebrated in order to get a couple of days off from work. In case you missed it, Britney Spears sure did, even getting visited by the Ghost of Wieners Present at the Peninsula Hotel late Sunday night. According to Us Weekly

Spears’ “wild date” began Saturday night with the [Finalpixx paparazzi] photographer Adnan handing Spears his business card at a gas station after he heard she “liked” him. Soon after getting his card, Spears contacted him and, after meeting up, the pair was later spotted holding hands at a supermarket. “After discussing the possibility of him coming into her house she said that her house was too dirty and that she would rather go to a hotel… so they changed cars and she went back to her house to freshen up while Adnan parked down the road and waited for her. She then came out in her car and they both drove to an L.A. hotel.”

The photographer departed the hotel at 6 a.m. Sources say Spears left at around 9 a.m. and returned to her nearby home off Mulholland Drive.

So the homecoming queen has taken to fucking the school janitor. Granted, the homecoming queen got knocked up a couple of times and put on thirty pounds and smells a little bit like bologna and cheese, but still. He’s paparazzi. Britney might as well pork a fry cook or marry a backup dancer or something. See, it’s funny because she already did that! I swear, sometimes this shit just writes itself.

¹_{Copyright Ray Nagin 2006}

Britney after dropping off the kiddies yesterday night: