Lindsay Lohan Will F#*K Anything

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Lindsay Lohan apparently only has one standard when it comes to potential lovers in Capri — that they have a penis. Hear that, old, fat and hairy? That’s the sound of Lohan legs spreading for you! The Daily Mail says

Actor Dario Faiella… made it back to her [hotel] room. She had been all over him earlier in the evening at a nightclub, snogging him before launching herself on top of him as they got physical on the nightclub sofa. Li-Lo was clearly smitten with her choice, [showing] an undressed Faiella her appreciation with a loving hand on his derriĆ©re out on her room balcony.

All that old bastard’s missing is a tattered bathrobe and a pack of Merit Ultra Lights and he could be my Uncle Frank. He looks like he ought to be laid out in a Lazy Boy with a hand down his pants, pouring nacho cheese straight out of the jar into his mouth and farting from time to time. God, that chick is a slut. I bet if you tossed a handful of pubes on a Christmas ham, Lindsay would crawl up on to the table and start dry-humping it right there in front of everybody. That’s when a good rolled up newspaper to the nose and a stern “Lindsay, NO!” are in order. If you happen across a pile of feces, you should also probably rub her face in it.

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7 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. Let’s just say her fish smelled a bit like the ocean when all was said and done. She sucked my dick later that evening. Honestly, I barely came.

  2. I bet she leaves a trail of semen wherever she goes. Kinda like a snail, only dirtier.

  3. I decided not to bless her with my ectoplasmic blast. I’m sure a standard end of evening for her involves her climbing out of a “cumcoon” looking much like Neo when he was removed from the Matrix.

    She reminds me of an episode of Cheers where Sam was in a sex addiction therapy session. A hot woman sitting next to him says how she’s insatiable having sex in elevators, parking lots, etc, and how she can’t ever stop thinking about it. The group congratulates her bravery and moves on to the next person as Sam leans toward her and says “So… do you like Chinese food?”

  4. It’s tough being a D-list actor these days, you have to do your own stunts.

  5. The rolled-up newspaper to the nose is just fucking priceless. Holy shit, that’s funny!

  6. She’s so shy, demure, and classy WOW I want to be like her (not) ;)

  7. JoeNo Gravatar

    can lindsay lohan do that to me what she doing to the old guy in the picture to

    i am old to just like him

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