Amy Winehouse Wins Big At The Grammys

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The Grammys last night were all about freshly-rehabbed singer Amy Winehouse, who took home a total of five trophies for Record of the Year, Song of the Year, Best Pop Vocal Album, Best British Accent of the Year (narrowly beating out Britney Spears), and Best Naked Lady Tattoos of the Year. The only award she didn’t scoop up was “Album of the Year,” who went to some jazz queer with the word “cock” in his last name.1 Although her visa was finally approved Friday night, it came too late, so Amy performed “I’m No Good” and “Rehab” from London via satellite with nary a hint of the Bells Palsy and mini-strokes that plagued her earlier live performances. Just a slight drooping of the mouth and something I like to call “bubble voice,” which is how your voice sounds when a burp bubble lodges in your throat and never breaks free. Side note: she changed the words in “I’m No Good” from “on the kitchen floor” to “7-6-1-4.” I have no idea if this is husband Blake’s cell block number (she gave him a total of three shout-outs last night), the 1994 ambient music album by Global Communication, or the total number of grams she inhaled over the last year. It’s a Winehouse mystery!

Click here for the complete list of winners

1NOT making that up.

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14 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. nordo

    Bitch will grind down the awards and snort ‘em from her beehive

  2. RichPort

    She looked amazinglyu sober and coherent yesterday… in other words, her performance sucked.

  3. hibert

    “some jazz queer with the word “cock” in his last name.” - Do you have any idea who that is? A legend in jazz music. A brilliant musician. He played with Miles Davis for god’s sake. It’s about time a jazz artist won album of the year. The Grammys are supposed to be awarding excellence in music. It’s not merely a popularity contest of disposable popular entertainment that passes for music. Amy Winehouse is/was awful. It’s ridiculous that she won all those awards. And Kanye West, holy moly is that guy an ass and full of hot air. Idiot.

  4. RichPort

    Lemme guess “hibert”… you googled Herbie HanCOCK and ended up here… post the link to your “jazz lovers web blog” so I can shit on Mr HanCOCK and extole the music of our beloved crack head, Ms. Winehouse.

    Douchebag.

  5. Deb

    First you have the nerve to make comments about a pregnant woman and then you don’t know a legend like Herbie Hancock. There’s many more things in the world besides the crap they play on the radio and Britney. Be aware for f*cks sake!

  6. spatz

    its so funny how people end up here with no sense of humour at ALL.

  7. SuzyQ

    Is it just me, or does this bitch dance like a white-boy 8th grader going to his first junior high dance?

  8. RichPort

    Hey Deb, in what iteration of Engrish does an asterisk really mean “u”?

    Go f*ck yo*rself.

  9. open mouth jones

    I may not be ‘aware’, as Deb pointed out, but I have been striving to ‘be adiquite’.

  10. abby

    No kidding. People like you guys suck the fun out of everything. Of course we’re all fucking aware who Herbie fucking Hancock is. He’s been making albums for the last forty fucking years. And by the by, just because it’s jazz doesn’t mean it’s good.

    That noted, I thought he was the guy that sang “No Parking On The Dance Floor” until last night. True fucking story. You can imagine my disappointment when I heard River: The Joni Letters.

  11. nordo

    If we wanted the real truth we’d go The Insider’s website, right?

  12. bionic bunny

    wait, who’s pregnant?

  13. Deb

    Okay, how about go fuck yourself.

  14. Wait a minute. Kanye West recorded an album with his jaw wired shut. I’m not saying he kicks MORE ass than Hancock, but….

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