2008 Oscars Worst Dressed
Tags: jewelery, oscars
This has to be a record year for my annual “Worst-Dressed at the Oscars.” This time around there were no Bjorks in swan costumes, no bicycle shorts with trains, no goth nipples or backwards suits. That’s not to say there weren’t some real stinkbombs, ’cause there were. Starting with Best Actor Daniel Day-Lewis in a brown-piped tuxedo and his wife in a be-broached, be-bowed, lace/taffeta/velvet masterpiece. That dress had it all! I bet there’s even a Swiss Army knife built into one of the sleeves. And don’t let’s forget the shoes. Like the rug in The Dude’s living room, those shoes really tied the look together.
Now, for the rest of the night’s fug after the jump
I hated Jessica Alba and her purple feathered Marchesa gown, but I couldn’t tell you why. Maybe it’s the hair. Maybe it’s the feathers. Maybe because it’s Jessica Alba. Anyway, big thumbs down.
Is that stuff around the neck part of Cate Blanchett’s satin Dries Van Noten gown, or is it some kind of hideous necklace? And more importantly, is that Michael Moore in the background? I’m afraid I have to deduct points for fatness alone. Michael’s, not hers. She’s pregnant.
Miley Cyrus’s scarlet Valentino was completely age appropriate and even kind of pretty. That stupid face she’s making? Not so much. It’s a cross between Paris Hilton’s attempt at sexy and “Why did I eat that sauerkraut chili dog for lunch?”
Marion Cotillard looked like a fish out of water in her Jean Paul Gaultier gown. Fish out of water? Get it? You know, the scales? God, I hate myself.
Everybody fucking loved Katherine Heigl’s crimson Escada dress except me. I would have liked it just fine if it weren’t for that giant circle up there on the shoulder. It looks like a rip cord you might pull in an emergency if you needed your Katherine Heigl life preserver to inflate in a hurry. And her lips. There’s a reason “old Hollywood glamor” was shot on black and white film. She looks like a clown in a Charlie from Top Gun wig.
Meet the Queen of Hearts‘ slutty younger sister: Heidi Klum in red silk taffeta Haute Couture by John Galliano.
Jennifer Hudson looked like crap in a white Roberto Cavalli gown with snake skin detailing. Just about everything here is wrong, but mostly, the boobs. Sweet Jesus. It looks like a do-it-yourself mammogram/accordion. No, squish ‘em flatter, please! And this time, with a Scottish marching tune! This is just another good reminder of why fat people don’t walk the runways. And also why fat people shouldn’t wear accordions.
Ellen Page’s vintage dress is boring and makes her look wide. Her hair is straight-up junior high school homecoming.
Tilda Swinton pulled the canvas from a Velvet Elvis to come up with this one-sleeved monstrosity by Alber Elbaz. Were her eyebrows or eyelashes burned off in a fire? Is she allergic to makeup? Or is she a distant cousin of the blind cave-dwelling salamander? We may never know.
Kelly Preston’sstrapless saffron Roberto Cavalli gown looks like it was designed by Dolly Parton from a set of hotel drapes.
32 Comments, Comment or Ping
BarbadoSlim
Meh, Lewis’ get up wasn’t that bad, it was very appropriate in fact….for a Gunfight at the OK’ Corral.
Feb 25th, 2008
spatz
agreed. there were one too many frumpy people with no make up at the oscars. and can someone please tell me why jessica alba is at the oscars every year? none of the b list horror shlock movies she’s in is even close to winning an oscar so why is she and her miserable sourpuss face always there? god i hate her.
Feb 25th, 2008
StinkyPete
Alba’s presence is the Oscar committees attempt at being hip, and most of the nominees are the proof that they are in fact very un-hip.
PS: I hear Daniel Day Lewis is after Marc Anthony’s title of “skeletor”.
Feb 25th, 2008
sonya
I’m going to have to be a lemming and say that I think Katherine Heigl’s dress is really pretty. Sorry!
Feb 25th, 2008
open mouth jones
It would have been pretty had she not been wearing matching lipstick, and that wretched blusher. Ick.
I hate her almost as much as Alba.
Feb 25th, 2008
stinkypete
Shes got Lounge Singer hair.
Feb 25th, 2008
syd
Tilda Swinton looks like a cross between a lizard and a giraffe.
Feb 25th, 2008
lori
When I saw Daniel Day-Lewis’s wife I said, “Man, she is going to get slammed for that one. It was perhaps one of the worse dresses I have ever seen in my life. I completely agree about Tilda Swinton. She makes a better brunette. She was downright scary. Couldn’t figure out what I didn’t like about Kelly Preston until you said it –saffron. And she needs some Crest White Strips. Her teeth were kind of matching her dress. Miley Cyrus isn’t really pretty, so you can’t blame her for her funny looking face (I also think she had some kind of cap-bridge thing over her front teeth—look closer, they didn’t match her back teeth). I thought Heigl was pretty but she sticks to one basic looking kind of dress. There wasn’t very much variation in styles this year, and I am not fond of red. But really, how could you leave out Cameron Diaz in her wrinkly pink satin number? She had no make-up on and has a mouth like the Joker. She isn’t aging well.
Feb 25th, 2008
butch
I’m trying to figure out what happened with Miley’s teeth. They look large and horsey. Please tell me she didn’t get veneers.
Feb 25th, 2008
lori
PS. We thought D. D.Lewis’s wife could have passed for his mom. And when I saw Ellen Page I didn’t recognize her. I thought, who is that chunky little girl in that plain black dress with the straight across neckline? She needs a stylist in a bad way if she is going to be the next big star. But then, Jodie Foster never got herself one either.
Feb 25th, 2008
abby
I understand about Cameron. But considering what she wore last year, I considered it a huge improvement. Plus I was feeling generous this morning because I started drinking at six-fifteen. I highly recommend it!
Feb 25th, 2008
elisha
Why was Jessica Alba even there? I thought it was for people who do Oscar-caliber movies? She’s always just in a bunch of crap.
Feb 25th, 2008
fashionista
I have to agree with everything that was said above. I was very disappointed with the gowns this year. It’s unbelievable that with all the money that these stars have, can they not find a halfway decent stylist???
And the designers, do they actually think that they are going to receive duplicate requests and increase their revenues by their mismatched, thoughtless approach to glamour?
Lewis should have never worn brown shoes with a tux. That’s an absolute NO-NO!!! Brown shoes should only be worn with brown, tan, or white pants. Never navy blue or black! And his wife’s gown looks as though she was invited at the last minute to attend a Xmas party, not the Oscars.
Hudson looked horrible. No one ever looks well in pleats, unless they are stick skinny. She looked like a droopy, albino, cow.
And what crack was Cavalli smoking when he used snakeskin for the trim?? Shimmering beading or crystals would have been much more appealing.
Cotillard looks like a mermaid. I know she’s French, but C’mon!!!! Even Madonna used Gaultier, time and time again, and never looked so aquatic!!!
And last but least, Alba. She looks like a overstuffed, plum ostrich. No one likes her, except maybe a few horny guys out there. Will someone please tell me who she boned so many times just to get a role???? Any role, that is.
Feb 25th, 2008
oakling
Miley looks insane. Why is she so bone-skinny? How can whatever is going on with her be okay?
Feb 25th, 2008
u guys suck
ALL U HATER ARE JUST JEALOUS THATS WHY U HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY U BROKE ASS LOOSERS GET A LIFE ….IN UR WORST DAY U CANT LOOK LIKE JESSICA ALBA SO F OFF BROKE ASS HATERS
Feb 26th, 2008
Jordan
To “u guys suck”-
Why would you stick up for Jessica Alba? She doesn’t know you and she probably wouldn’t care if she did. Also, when trying to make someone feel lesser, you might want to try using correct English and correct grammar/punctuation. Just saying. R
Feb 26th, 2008
Jordan2
Cotillard looks like a French angel.
She’s got more class and fashion sense in her pinky than most of the people posting on this blog. At least she tried to bring something new and artistic to the red carpet.
Feb 26th, 2008
Sunshine in the Evening
I cannot for the life of me figure out why you are bashing the actors/actress in a personal nature. I can understand not liking some of the clothing they wore but the personal attacks seem to stem from a personal nature. Are you that bored or unhappy that you have nothing better to do than attack the character of someone you do not know? I find it oddly discomforting to know that you give that much of a crap about people you do not know and more than likely will never know.
I cannot fathom that most of you even read a book, but just sit around and bash celebraties or even your friends when given half a chance.
Stick to talking about what you know and leave the speculation for people that have more than half a brain to work with.
Feb 26th, 2008
lori
First of all, this is a discussion about fashion, and the total look, that includes teeth, and also, the talent that goes along with all of this. Secondly, jealous, no! No amount of money in the world would make want to give up my privacy, as these people have sold off theirs to be famous. Thirdly, I am an overweight, underpaid nurse and I get paid about fifty grand a year. These people are being paid six million a picture, yet all their money can’t buy good fashion sense. Haters? No. Our money and appreciation of the arts gives these people their fantastic lives. And finally, I am a Barnes and Noble addict and I just ordered $200 worth of books online. I always have my nose in a book— mostly classics or historical fiction. The people contributing to this line have a real appreciation for the world around them and the people in it. I happen to appreciate all of the work contributed by these actors and actresses this year and in the past. We are just enjoying a good discussion and bitch session. If you don’t like it, get the hell off the post. Love to you too.
Feb 26th, 2008
helly
I am sitting way over here in New Zealand laughing! Thanks for the good laughs, you made my night - I especially was also puzzled by DDL’s wife’s weird “display” dress, and sad, strange Tilda ~ REally, what goes on in people’s heads? And what do they see in the mirror? But the salamander pic really got me ~ And poor Jennifer Hudson…
It’s just a reminder all…these are just people. Some have good taste, most don’t, some have the sense to buy good taste, or have it thrust upon them, many don’t. Jus’ folks at a party.
Feb 26th, 2008
RedSoxFan
Mrs. Daniel Day-Lewis looked like a gift bag…what is with the bows and beads!? Yuk - simple and elegant wins every time. I agree with Ellen Page - she needed a stylist and a hairdo. I also agree with Jen Hudson - she really should fire whomever suggested that dress - she’s very pretty, but clueless with regard to fashion. I though Miley Cyrus looked like she was trying to be 25…not 15. Red will be her color in about a decade or so.
Feb 26th, 2008
sara
Wow, who ever wrote this article is VERY judgemental! You have no right to call Jenifer Hudson fat! She is NOT fat! Just becaus she may not be the “ideal” size of every other cookie-cutter-blonde-so skinny its sick- pill popin’ celebrity out there! Yes the dress may not be the best for her shape, but she has a right to be there! She won best supporthing actress last year! I strongly agree with what Sunshine in the evening said. What gives you the right to judge the people like you know them! Im 100 percent sure that you will never meet them, i can see judging what they are wearing but not the people who are wearing the clothing. Its unfair. How would you like it if some random person said to/about you “That girl is so UGLY! She doesnt have the right to be allive , she is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO fat it makes me sick” You wouldnt! No one would! So unless you want a taste of what your dishing out to these hard working people i suggest you stop.
Feb 26th, 2008
Vanessa
Omg… i could not stop laughing after I read Tilda Swinton’s dress description. I was thinking the same thing as I watched her going to receive her Oscar….
Feb 26th, 2008
open mouth jones
sara, I mean this in the nicest possible way:
Fuck off. No really, PLEASE FUCK OFF!
If you don’t like it- don’t read it. Easy, right?
What kind of douche-nozzle goes to a gossip site labeled as “the snarkiest” and bitches about people being judgemental?
For the love of all that is holy, GO ELSEWHERE IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT.
Feb 26th, 2008
people are dumb
sara where do you think you are? This is not the jennifer hudson fan club. If you are so upset about people being judgemental don’t go to a gossip website. Turd feather.
Feb 26th, 2008
monkey fatty
i’m new at this…but i’m rather snarky, so i figured i could contribute.
personally, when i hit the tanning booth (which is OH-so-often), i choose NOT to wear my ski goggles, unlike katherine heigl. uhg. why wouldn’t someone tell her she looked like that? is her marriage still so much in the honeymoon-phase that her hubby couldn’t be like, “hey honeybear, you’re looking a little raccoon-ish. and your lipstick is ugly. but i love you for who you are. and for your meatballs.” i’m just sayin’…
Feb 26th, 2008
Lisa
You guys all need a life…. you are bashing on people outfits, make-up, and hair. What did your Oscar’s gown/suit look like? OH YEAH! You didn’t go…
Feb 27th, 2008
Jamie
Who on EARTH gave Tilda this HORRIBLE black potatoe sack oops I mean gown?? I think SHE was the only “worst” dressed there and NO MAKE UP???? She had SO MANY POSSIBILITIES… As boyish as she looks I could so see her in a Couture Suit like Celine Dion did a few years back…. Hopefully she will get a clue and NEVER wear a Travisty like that again!! That’s my 2 cents xoxo Jamie
Feb 27th, 2008
Amy
Jennifer Hudson is fat. That’s the truth. I am too. So what? That dress was so completely wrong for her because it highlighted all of her fat. Big girls need to know that not everything in their size compliments their bodies. The end.
Tilda fucking scared me. In that pic she looks like a man!
Feb 27th, 2008
tina
Oh my gosh….. Tilda dress is the worst of all. To Daniel Lewis wife…. oops .. is that a curtain?
Feb 27th, 2008
J
It’s because Tilda Swinton looks like Eric Stoltz in Pulp Fiction. At least, that’s why I get freaked out everytime I see that pic. Genderbending.
Feb 27th, 2008
monkey fatty
re: tilda…it’s not so much the gender-bending that bugs me–actually, that can be quite hot, and in face, doesn’t but me one bit–but i don’t understand why she didn’t borrow the dress, AND hair, AND make-up, from her days in the land of narnia. frosty. yummy. she has it in her to LOOK GOOD.
Feb 27th, 2008
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