Jessica Simpson Going to Kuwait

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Jessica Simpson is heading to Kuwait next month to entertain the troops overseas. That’s in Canada, right? She writes on her fan site

“Hey ya’ll. I just wanted to say hi, and let you know that I… am heading to Kuwait to do a show for the troops for Operation MySpace, then back in the studio. I love you all and am so blessed by the support and love you show me everyday!! xoxo jess “

Unless she plans oiling herself up and singing topless while hopping around on a pogo stick, I doubt there’s gonna be a whole lot of “entertaining” going on in Kuwait. In fact, when asked if they knew what “A Public Affair” was, several enlisted men volunteered, “Is that the one where that girl fucks these all those dudes in the middle of Times Square?” and “No, no, you’re thinking of ‘Public Ass-Pounding,’ dude,” then offered to show me six different ways he could crush a beer can without using his hands. Believe me, Marines have all the entertainment they need even without Jessica Simpson there.

Jessica leaving Katsuya Restaurant in Hollywood last Wednesday:

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15 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. Here’s hoping someone frags her ass.

    *crossing fingers*

  2. Slim, you took the words right outta my mouth, although I personally think it’s more likely she’ll be fragged in her gaping maw.
    *also crossing fingers*

  3. sydNo Gravatar

    *crossing fingers for airtight*

  4. Here’s hoping they film her swallowing a camel’s load.

    *crossing fingers too*

  5. What in the holy hell is going on with her mouth in that banner pic? She looks like a damn dirty ape.

    *crosses fingers because everyone else is doing it*

  6. Here’s hoping they’ll set her oiled body on fire while on said pogo stick. It’s an edgy new twist on burning at the stake!

  7. Edgy indeed, I’m impressed.

    *HIGH FIVE*

    *crosses fingers again*

  8. *makes sign of the cross with fingers*

    *puts fingers in armpits*

    *sniffs fingers voraciously*

  9. If she were topless on that same pogo stick, there’d be no need to administer anesthesia as her knockers would knock her the fuck out first. Uppercut!!!

    *crosses toes too*

  10. “These are my BREASTS. They’re so BIG. I need a BRA to strap them and support because they’re so HUGE they need to be hooked and strapped for support. My big boobs, this one is bigger than this one ’cause is the mommy and that’s the baby. And this one is very nice to this one and they hold hands because they’re FRIENDS!”

  11. Waves jazz hands in the air while making spirit fingers: “SUPERSTAAAH!!!”

    *resumes crossing fingers*

  12. *crossing fingers, toes, and eyes*
    OWWWWCRAMPCRAMPCRAMP!!!!!

  13. Save Tony Romo

  14. sounds like she going there to promote her new album…not just doing it out of the goodness of her heart.

  15. yo i hope the kuwaities light her blonde hair on fire haha … anyways…anyone that wants to get to know me and is from ottawa montreal new york or toronto….holla at me!!!! abdullah ritchie ram-z on facebook and check my site out at http://www.myspace.com/unstoppablemastermind one love to north america and the arabian gulf -chedda boy -young generalz

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