Tom Cruise chosen to be xenufather to JLo’s twins. (The Blemish)

Home Alone meets Swiss Family Robinson — with surprisingly unsexy results! (Pajiba)

Hugh Hefner turns 82 surrounded by more pussy than you could shake a limp wiener at! (Websters)

The Olsen twins just keep finding ways to make themselves appear more terrifying. (Jossip)

Acting legend Charlton Heston dies at 84. (Wizbang Pop)

Mariah Carey is finally bigger than Elvis! And she’s probably sold more records than him, too. (Hollywood Headache)

Amy Winehouse kicks her demons. The ones that live in her apartment, not the metaphorical ones, dummy. (popbytes)

What’s grosser than gross? One dead baby in a trash can, or Pamela Anderson sucking face with Criss Angel. (Hollywood Rag)

Shakira sex tape ménage à trois? (Tasteful Celebs)

Naked Woody Harrelson! (Celebrity Smack)

Jessica Alba picks the wrong hair color for the second trimester. Chocolate Cherry is so eighth month! (Celebrity Warship)