Paris wants a cheetah now. Big predatory cats, do your stuff! (MollyGood)

JLo drops 40 pounds in four weeks! Her secret? (Websters)

George Clooney and mug-for-hugs Jim Halpert still manage to keep the old panties moist. (Pajiba)

Tom Cruise’s “Valkyrie” gets pushed back AGAIN! (Seriously? OMG)

Bret Michaels from “Rock of Love” finally removes his bandana! (Jezebel)

Pamela Anderson gives Hugh Hefner a totally nude lap dance for his birthday. There’s one he won’t be regifting. (Best Week Ever)

Fergie actually looks… hot. (The Grumpiest)

Rob Lowe accuses former employees of blackmail, extortion, and messy threesomes on his bed! (Bricks and Stones)

Surprise, surprise — Mischa Barton won’t be serving jail time. (Celebitchy)

Speaking of jail, Pete Doherty is in the clink for the next 14 days! And it only took 2,987 arrests to finally put him there. (Rad Report)

Jane Fonda as slutty Pocahontas. (Ayyyy!)

Naomi Campbell gets banned from British Airways! (Dlisted)