Jessica Simpson Wet In Esquire Magazine
Tags: iconic cover, Jessica Simpson, shaving, shower, virna lisi
Jessica Simpson recreates Virna Lisi’s iconic March 1965 cover in this April’s issue of Esquire magazine. Inside, you’ll find a dazzling array of pictures of her showcasing her true talents. Her wet, nipply, heaving talents. I suppose “gratuitous near-nudity in men’s magazines” is the next logical step in her career, given the less-than-successful fare of her last two albums. And her last two movies. Oh, and that variety show. Not to mention the shoe line and swim wear line and those god-awful cheap hair extensions. She should streamline her talents into something like “Jessica Simpson Jack-Off Hour,” a solid sixty minutes of Jess doing jumping jacks on a trampoline, or maybe “Messy Jessy,” in which she soaps up after a spirited romp in a mud puddle with other naked girls. Seems like a no-brainer. And if “no-brainer” isn’t a prerequisite for all things Jessica Simpson, I don’t know what is.
Respect her craft:
15 Comments, Comment or Ping
jessie11
She looks sexy and cute.
Apr 9th, 2008
RichPort
Really, as the pictures perkily display, she only has two things going for her.
Apr 9th, 2008
sonya
Papa Simpson’s off-camera, pouring the water.
Apr 9th, 2008
CaptainInsano
It’ll only grown back thicker, Jessica.
Apr 9th, 2008
spatz
she kind of looks like Virna Lisi’s retarded cousin wanting to play dress up too!
Apr 9th, 2008
syd
One of your more vomitocious headlines, Abby.
Well done. I’m still cringing.
Apr 9th, 2008
kenny.G
She is said to have labia the size of hot dog buns.
Apr 9th, 2008
open mouth jones
I am still confounded that she is considered attractive.
Apr 9th, 2008
Camp Herp
I’d hit it.
Apr 9th, 2008
Daisy
I always thought she looked kind of manly. What is she up to any way these days? No movies or albums?
Apr 9th, 2008
AC
just a note though. Her shoe line is wildly successful and some of the shoes are really quite nice.
Apr 9th, 2008
AC
oh and she is working on a country album… so maybe thats what she’s doing. or trying to drum up some publicity for her sister? … maybe?
Apr 9th, 2008
Some Dude
Captain - it looks like her whole body has grown back thicker.
Apr 9th, 2008
Sorceressss
She certainly tucks it well, I’ll giver her that much.
Apr 9th, 2008
2Madre
It’s really her father in drag….
Apr 15th, 2008
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