Toni Braxton Hospitalized
Tags: hospitalized, las vegas, pericarditis, toni braxton
Singer Toni Braxton was admitted to St. Rose Dominican Hospital after her show at the Las Vegas Flamingo Hotel and Casino Tuesday night. TMZ reports
A spokesperson for the Flamingo [said] that Toni had been experiencing chest pains and was taken to [the] hospital for tests. She’s since been released. Braxton suffers from pericarditis, an inflammation of the sac surrounding the heart.
I’m pretty sure the term “sac around the heart” is just a nicer way of saying “undescended testicles,” so it’s clearly way more serious than they made it out to be. Not only is Toni now technically a hermaphrodite, she’s a hermaphrodite with a case of internal scrotal swelling. Barring a cold pool or a couple of well-timed swings with a croquet mallet, the scrotum typically maintains a uniform size,1 so I’m guessing an inflamed prostate could be the culprit. Or according to my medieval barber correspondence course, possibly an imbalance of bodily humors caused by a toad or a small dwarf living in her stomach. Nothing a poultice of powder of staghorn, gum of arabic and sheep’s urine applied on a vernal equinox can’t fix!
1Noted exception: Cisco Adler
8 Comments, Comment or Ping
hdating
Oh, she is a great singer. A friend told me she has Herpes. Are the two related? Perhaps.
Apr 9th, 2008
yummy
She looks pretty good to me… but I am blind due to syphilis.
Apr 9th, 2008
jessie11
Maybe she can grow a beard and join the circus.
Apr 9th, 2008
sonya
They used to play her stuff on the Muzak station at work, and everytime she’d come on I’d want to shove a ruler in my ear.
Apr 9th, 2008
open mouth jones
Isn’t she the one whose fake boob exploded on a plane or something…? Now THAT’s a chest pain.
Apr 9th, 2008
abby
With that wig she could always play Phoenixqua in “Malcom X-Men.”
Apr 9th, 2008
bionic bunny
sonya-
ruler in ear = not a good look for you.
Apr 9th, 2008
abbyy
charming girl. is she feeling lonely? i just found her personal profile on a celebrity dat-ing club ‘S e a r c h i n gM i l l i o n a i r e. c o m”. maybe she just did it for fun?
Apr 9th, 2008
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