I woke up ten minutes ago fairly sure that I had been a victim of a hate crime and amoebic dysentary. Turns out that I just drank a lot of something called “Absinthe” last night. If you’ve never indulged, let me save you the mystery and suggest you down a quart of kerosene and light a match near your anus, then let a friend work you over with a baseball bat. Sounds fun, doesn’t it? Almost as fun as Britney Spears returning to the set of “How I Met Your Mother” yesterday! Really? Well, fuck you. I’m hungover. OK! Magazine says

The episode finds Britney (Abby) and Barney (Neil Patrick Harris) still dating and hoping to use the relationship to anger their mutual nemesis, Ted. Word is Barney will even a pop a question to Abby.

Britney’s episode will air on May 12.

I tried to think of something I cared about less than Britney’s return to sitcomery. The effect of entrepreneurial agriculture on the economy of the Midwest? The mating habits of the boll weevil? Poor people? Then I decided “enough with the thinking” because it was making my head hurt and went back to spray-painting the toilet. You’re welcome.