JLo’s new reality show won’t star her babies or her husband. Ooh, sounds fascinating! (MollyGood)

Benji Madden writes Paris a love song. I hope it’s called “Herpe Hoedown.” (Celebrity Smack)

See, homophobia, racism, rape, torture, and incest just needed a little ganja-fueled hilarity to translate into box-office dollars. The boobs and “Bottomless Party” don’t hurt, either. (Pajiba)

People Magazie names Rumer Willis one of the hundred most beautiful celebrities in the world, and it’s not even their April Fool’s edition. (Websters)

David Blaine officially breaks the holding-your-breath-underwater record on Oprah. (The Blemish)

Guess who still really likes lots of expensive hookers? (The Rad Report)

Gwyneth Paltrow, world’s biggest bitch. (CelebSlam)

Ashley Dupre took the train to see Eliot Spitzer because the FAA prohibits restraints and cattle prods. Caligula much, Spitzy? (pretty boring)

How does someone that old, bald and fat keep scoring such quality kitty? Oh, right — he’s on Entourage. (Drunken Stepfather)

Christina Ricci has devil eyes. (Jezebel)