Kelly Osbourne is plastered. And, coincidentally, up against a brick wall. (Jezebel)

Elisha Cuthbert almost loses her top on the beach. (UseMyComputer)

Amy Winehouse is in jail! (The Rad Report)

Mariah’s super secret wedding pictures in People magazine. (Dlisted)

Angelina Jolie is having twin girls. Who needs the Olsen twins now? (IDLYITW)

Natalie Portman’s new boyfriend is a real dickface. (Websters)

Mischa Barton feels violated by the paparazzi. And also by the cellulite gene. (The Blemish)

Fantasia Barrino debuts another giant hair don’t. (Seriously? OMG)

John Mayer’s already cheating on Jennifer Aniston! (Hollywood Rag)

Ryan Seacrest to replace Larry King? Makes perfect sense. (Jossip)

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