Kate Hudson Is Boinking Lance Armstrong
Tags: Kate Hudson, lance armstrong, Owen Wilson, relationship
Kate Hudson has dumped Owen Wilson for seven-times Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong. Kate flew to Lance’s Texas home on Friday for weekend filled with romance and absolutely no suicide watches. The Daily Mail says
“When Kate was with Owen, she got to know Lance really well but they hooked up again recently at a dinner party thrown by a mutual friend and that’s when the romance began. They have both been keeping it very quiet. Kate and Lance have been dating for a couple of weeks. She and Lance are both physical, passionate people – she’s never been happier.”
Well, if you’re going to start dating Lance Armstrong, you need to steer clear of several trigger phrases that are well-known to upset him. I can’t stress this enough. I keep a handy list in my pocket at all times, just in case I come back as a bicycle or a desperate slut in my next life. I present to you
10. The expression “you’re really on the ball today!” Try “you’re exceedingly capable” or “good job” instead.
9. Patrick Ball, legend of Celtic harp and spoken word. Enough said.
8. “The ball’s in your court.” Um, no it’s not, you insensitive jerk.
7. “The ol’ ball and chain.” Is that some kind of “Lance Armstrong on a bicycle” joke? Shame on you, sir. Shame on you.
6. “Ball pythons.” Just trust me on this one.
5. “Ball State University.” The Mid-American Conference upsets most people, actually.
4. “Break your balls.” Oh, aren’t they broken enough for you?
3. “Ballindalloch Castle.” Frankly, it was never the same after the first Marquess of Montrose burned it to the ground.
2. “Ball Park Franks.” They plump when you cook ‘em.
1. “Testing for Erythropoietin Stimulating Agents.” Also the “Union Cycliste Internationale” and the “World Anti-Doping Agency.” Those guys are a bunch of serious hard-ons.
Kate at the “Fool’s Gold” premiere last month with Matthew McConaughey:
5 Comments, Comment or Ping
RichPort
Well I guess the Amstrong suicide watch has just begun…
May 19th, 2008
abby
Don’t let’s forget “ball hog,” “drop the ball,” “balls to the wall,” and “bald eagles.” Close enough.
May 19th, 2008
Jeff
Or “What are you, nuts?” and “Don’t get testy with me!” And if she gets fired from a movie, she should avoid telling him she got sacked.
May 19th, 2008
Gweilo
What a load of bollock.
May 19th, 2008
bionic bunny
BALZAC!
May 19th, 2008
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