Moley Russells Wart
Tags: mole, r. kelly, sex tape, statutory rape
R & B singer R. Kelly’s case took a turn for the worse yesterday when his own mole defense was used against him. Kelly’s attorney had argued that since the man in the sex video did not have a mole on his back, that man could not be Kelly. Brilliant defense, except the man in the video did have a mole. D’oh! According to the The Daily Mail
Video forensics expert Grant Fredericks froze several frames of the sex tape where a dark spot was visible on the man’s back. For comparison, Fredericks showed the jury a still photo taken of Kelly’s back after his arrest in 2002, revealing a dark fingernail sized mole. “There is a mark on the man’s back in the exact same position,” Fredericks said, referring to the tape.
Kelly and his attorneys looked grim and dejected during the expert’s testimony, while prosecutors looked pleased, appearing to smile as they sat at their courtroom table.
One Memorex VHS tape — $5.39. Two bottles of Schlitz for a full bladder when urinating on a thirteen-year old girl — $10.50. Attorney’s fees for statutory rape defense — in excess of $100,000. Your primary defense argument back-firing and proving the prosecution’s case — priceless. There are some things money can’t buy. For everything else, there’s maximum security prison.
8 Comments, Comment or Ping
CaptainInsano
He should have worn the mask from the banner pic whilst banging the kid, then they could never have ID’d him. Hey, it works for Robin.
May 30th, 2008
open mouth jones
I love it. Yuo can’t make this shit up if you tried. I’m totes stealing that excuse for my jury duty in a few weeks.
“But there’s a MOLE on my back, your honor! So, obviously I can’t sit on this jury.”
Think it’ll work?
May 30th, 2008
Stacey
Ten bucks for two bottles of Schlitz?! I don’t know who your local malt liquor retailer, but you’re getting ripped off. $3 is the most you should pay for a 40. A good rule of thumb is, if you can’t finance it from assorted change in your couch cushions, it’s probably too “la dee dah” for you anyway.
May 30th, 2008
abby
Did you guys like the “Uncle Buck” reference?
May 30th, 2008
CaptainInsano
The only part of Uncle buck I remember was the backfiring car he drove. As a kid I found that hilarious. I was easily impressed.
May 30th, 2008
Chinese Chicken
Boing Boing Boing.. Weiner doesnt go all the way up in prison issue tighty whiteys they too tight Ron!
I hope Jared down at county gives you an extra long flashlight to the anoooossseee..
May 30th, 2008
bionic bunny
yes, abby, i totally got it! i wonder what that says about me?
May 31st, 2008
abby
It means I love you.
Jun 11th, 2008
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