Matthew McConaughey spent a week away from his pregnant girlfriend earlier this month, drinking himself retarded and groping female patrons at the Iguana Bar in San Juan Del Sur. An eyewitness told Star Magazine

“He was acting like an out-of-control 18-year-old. He already seemed to be drunk when he arrived alone, and he only got worse from there on. He was putting the make on every woman in his path, throwing his arms around them and trying to kiss them, and trying to dirty-dance with a few out on the floor. But he was a mess, slurring his words and stumbling around.

A few minutes after he finally left the bar, someone found him in a sewage ditch outside. When they asked him what he was doing, he mumbled, ‘I’ve lost my flip-flops!’”

Nothing says “new dad” like slobbering drunk in a ditch. Wait, not “new dad.” I meant “nude ad.” Nothing says “nude ad” like slobbering drunk in a ditch. The last time I passed out in a gutter, my picture ended up front and center on concert posters for a punk band called “Drainage Ditch Debbie.” I have yet to see a paycheck for it, either.

Girlfriend Camila Alves in Spanish Elle February of this year:

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