Sorry, whores — Lindsay Lohan’s knee padded leggings are all sold out. (Websters)

Brooke Hogan says that women can’t be president because they have periods. Too bad Chris Benoit wasn’t her dad. (Jezebel)

Diane Kruger looking like Tom Sawyer’s slutty cousin. (Use My Computer)

Benji Madden looks like a complete asswipe in that getup. (CelebWarship)

Sophie Monk’s sexy new tattoo! (The Rad Report)

Does Rachel Bilson ever not look perfect? (popoholic)

More Jessica Alba mommy cleavage than you can shake a stick at. (Fatback)

Mariah’s sending Nick Cannon into the crazy poor house! (Hollywood Rag)

Lauren Conrad is pissed! But not because she didn’t get an Emmy nod. (Ninja Dude)

The Dark Knight breaks all kinds of box office records over the weekend. (The Blemish)

Lisa Rinna forgets her bra. (pretty boring)

Blake Fielder-Civil gets 27 months in prison! (Holy Moly)

Lance Bass’ new boyfriend is currently married — to a woman. (MollyGood)

The most pretentious arsenal of boner-killing underpants-wadders I’ve ever encountered in my life. Seriously, read the comments. (Pajiba)

Related Stories

• Quickies: Get Plastered
• Quickies: I Touch Myself
• Quickies: Uncontrollable Itch
• Quickies: Snap Into a Slim Jim
• Quickies: Pass the Dutchie