People magazine’s $14 million, 19-page spread of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s little messiahs finally hits newsstands today, and as expected with a bargain price like $14 million, there were several stipulations set forth by the Brangelina clan. Namely, no more “Brangelina.” MSNBC says

Reportedly, one condition of the photo deal was that the victorious magazine would have to agree to no longer refer to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie as “Brangelina.”

And Brad had a few terms of his own. Like working the following prepared statement into the article: “Brad Pitt is also important, and oh, by the way, he has always loved doing charity work in dangerous third world nations no matter what Jennifer Aniston says because she’s a liar, they just didn’t take pictures of it before, and he is totally independent and not pussy-whipped at all and Angelina does not keep his balls in her purse for munching on when she’s angry. Repeat, Brad still has his balls. And they’re huge. We’re talking grapefruits, people. This is all 100% true. Especially the part about the balls. The End.”

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